In staying with tradition

Ever since I started this blog I have noticed a pattern that in May I write on ode to spring and summer. I equate myself to a hibernating bear, where I start coming out of my cave upon spring thaw. Once spring and summer hit, it is like "game on!" for me. Yesterday felt that way. I started the morning at the Pearl Street Farmer's Market, buying all the fresh veggies I could get my hands on. I finished a homework assignment and then cleaned up the yard. I got inspired and took myself to the Botanic Gardens to get some ideas for my small garden against the fence. The best membership is one to the Gardens because it changes every year and there are so many nooks and crannies to enjoy. They have a new bamboo exhibit and it is spectacular. All in all, yesterday felt like an official launch into the time of year I love so much.

Safety first

Since Chester had his tumor removal surgery, he has been sleeping with me. A part of me was catering to his every mortal whim, a part of me just liked having someone warm next to me that I could snuggle. However, today he is very mad at me as he stares at the closed bedroom door. Why? Because last night, at 11:41pm, I awoke to a restless Chester trying to get comfortable and then...oops! He fell off the bed! Not all the way off because I grabbed him by his two front arms, but enough off for it to be uncomfortable and scary. So, Ches, while I want to show you I love you by letting you slumber along next to me, I have to tell you Safety First!

Survival mode

A research portfolio and an annotated bibliography. A cultural presentation on death and a cultural presentation on family. A presentation about an intervention at my internship. A presentation about guidelines for creating a new program or practice in the social work field. These are the assignments I have due sporadically from now until May 31st. There are only a few things that keep my head above water. Knowing that tomorrow is a workshop on self care is one of them. That my class on Thursday afternoon is cancelled so I can get one assignment done. Movie night at Meg's. Memorial Weekend where maybe, just maybe, I can get to a festival or barbeque. And summer vacation. Ahhh....summer vacation. A girl who is graduating in two weeks told me today, "enjoy your summer. Don't work if you can help it. Savor every minute." And that, my friends, is what I am planning to do.

Back to basics

I am hoping that my Facebook free life will help bring me back to basics. I have never been one to be able to keep up with a lot of friends. I have always been the type who has enough friends to enrich life but not too many to glide along on the surface. And for some reason, I take that Facebook friend concept seriously and haven't felt connected to the majority of 231 people called my friends. Somehow it has become a substitute for a good old fashioned phone call, email or letter. I have been reading a book called A Year to Live: How to Live This Year as If It Were Your Last by Stephen Levine for one of my social work classes. I think it's message has been living in the back of my mind since I started it. The book isn't about writing your bucket list and achieving things like climbing a mountain and skydiving. It is more about getting over the fear of living in order to understand dying. The author takes on a 365 day experiment of living as if it were his last year. A bit of an abstract concept, I know, but I have been thinking about, "if I had a year to live, what would that look like?" I can tell you right now I wouldn't worry about being on a diet or whether I have been tagged in enough Facebook pictures to be popular! It is a reflection on what kind of freedoms does really knowing our mortality give us? The book encourages doing a life review with soft and non-judgemental eyes; it encourages us to embrace ourselves when we are sick and really know what not having control feels like; it encourages us to soften our bellies and breathe, really feeling life. Sometimes I feel like I should be further along in this process, having had a partner die and seeing what that process was like. So many people tell me that gosh, I must have really learned the importance of living in the moment. I guess I did, but I think that if I don't keep those thoughts in the forefront of my mind I forget about them and fall back into the anxiety I sometimes have about my life. Why am I doing this degree? Why do I have to write this stupid paper? Will next year be as stressful as this one has been? If I take a soft belly moment, though, I begin to see things more clearly. I take a walk and look at neighborhood gardens before writing that paper. I treat myself to an Earl Grey cambric before going off to that internship. I spoon Chester before I fall asleep and I dance with Stanley when I am awake. I practice gratitude for what I do have, and know I can get through times of lack. I did have a great experience on Saturday. I connected with an old friend through email (not Facebook!), went to a party last weekend at her place and saw more friends where it had been awhile. One invited me up to watch the Furry Scurry and I met her along with about 7 other people on Saturday at the park. We sat along the side and became the "petting station" for however many of the 7,000 dogs wanted to stop by. It was one of those truly beautiful and authentically fun moments that living a 365 day type experiment is all about. I am anticipating many more of those.

Moving on With Me

I just broke up with Facebook. One reason I broke up with Facebook is that I always found it weird that I was privy to people’s private lives. Like, pictures of a newborn from a person I didn’t know well. And then I would see that person at some function and ask them about their baby, a newborn who I never met or knew the mother well or went to the baby shower. I also have felt in the past strange when I see someone, say, at work or at school and we aren't that close, but I know all about their personal life, and when I see them I feel awkward because I never know if I should say anything about what they had posted about this or that. I also dislike being tagged in photos, even though I have tagged people in my photos. I have got to thinking...Who cares where I spent last night? Does my picture on Facebook somehow determine whether I am cool or if I even exist? And what if last night I went out with a person I like but you don't, and our photo was tagged and now you won’t talk to me? Where are my own boundaries in this age of technology? But, the reality of it is that my life was enriched by another person for almost 10 years and Facebook was never involved. We hiked when we felt like it without telling others of our adventures. We ate at various restaurants without having to inform the world. We went to a ball game on the spur of the moment without it being a big deal…just something fun to do. My life is enriched now by some of the most amazing people where Facebook is not the connection. My life is enriched by you, the person who wants to be a part of it, and it doesn’t need to be tagged or plotted or commented about. So, while Facebook and I had a good long relationship, it is time to try something new, a little more authentic, a little more meaningful.