Visions of a 3 day weekend dance in my head

To be honest, out of all the holidays, birthdays and anniversaries, Memorial Weekend is the toughest to get through since Mike died. We always anticipated the long weekend. We would sit on Friday night plotting our weekend. Saturday morning at 8am we would usually go to Paulino Gardens and I would buy all the flowers to plant for the summer; I would spend part of the weekend gardening. Maybe we would do some yard work, or complete a house project. Definitely go to a movie. Grill some salmon, take a long walk with the dogs. Mike was always in need of that extra day with the stress of his job, and I was in need of that extra day just to revel in him and me together.

This year I was determined to have some fun. The boys and I drove to Fort Collins on Saturday for a BBQ at a friend's house. We stayed in a pet friendly hotel and that actually worked out okay. But I was feeling a bit under the weather, thinking though that the sneezing and coughing were due to allergies. Sunday I walked to the Gaylord Street fair to meet the family for some dinner and to listened to the Billy McKay Band from Leftover Salmon(my uncle Bill McKay just passed away and we thought this would be a neat thing to do). I was still feeling under the weather but anticipating a BBQ and Bocce Ball today at mom and dad's. Well, I woke up with a full fledged virus, cold or something-coughing, sneezing, my chest burning, a tad achey and foggy. I had to call mom and tell her I wouldn't be at the BBQ-that I needed to rest and eat chicken soup. What a disappointment.

I do have one condolence to forfeiting the fun I hoped to have during this kickoff weekend to the summer...I am off for the summer. I don't have to think about a 3 day weekend, I have weeks on end to enjoy my time. Maybe I will start getting used to planning days and weekends alone, as I sometimes still feel like I need Mike to help plan days off. But until then, I sit with glasses of Emergen-c, People and Oprah magazines, and bowls of chicken soup, to re-energize myself and revel in some much needed down time.

Farethewell...until you do something even greater!

I have been watching the final Oprah show very slowly. Over the past few days, I play a segment here and there-I still haven't finished it yet. I am savoring her words of wisdom because, quite frankly, she has been someone I have looked up to for years. Her farewell show has felt like a one-on-one conversation with Oprah, telling me everything she has learned in this life.

One of the lessons she talked about is that we are each responsible for our own lives. That our sphere of influence is what surrounds us-friends, family, neighbors...that having a sphere of influence doesn't have to include being famous; it just means that we are each responsible for how we interact in the world. Another lesson she talked about is the importance of showing our good energy to the world. Oprah mentioned this sign a guest gave her that she hung in her dressing room: "Please take responsibility for the energy you bring into this space". What a great reminder of how we each impact everyone we come into contact with.

I am still turning her show off and on, listening to her lessons here and there. I am glad to have this episode saved in my DVR. It is one I can watch over and over again.

Playing Hookey

(I never know how to spell that word...)

One of the reasons I am working part time and temporarily is because I know I am going to have to kick everything into full gear once graduate school begins. I want to take advantage of taking as much time off as possible, guilt free. On Monday I found a gem for Tuesday's Rockies' day game...two tickets that were a part of the Guys Night Out package for the day game. I knew I couldn't pass this up, so I emailed my boss and told her I was going to take the day off to go to the baseball game. I wrestled with "should I call in sick?" or "should I make-up some story about Ches/Stan being sick?" I decided that neither option aligns with the concept of living life authentically so I decided to just be honest. Most days, I don't mind going to work. But there are those few days that I wake up and would rather do anything but. I needed to do some yard work, to clean the house and take care of a few things, and to spend some leisure time. My boss is always super cool about everything so she gave me the thumb's up. Dad met me at the game and we shared pizza. I had the obligatory afternoon baseball beers, and we sat and cheered the Rockies on. They were behind part of the game but rallied at the end. It was so much fun and again more time well spent with Dad.

I heart my dad

Have I written about my dad in this blog? Definitely not as much as I should. I do recognize I have blog readers whose own dads are no longer on this earth...but I know you heart yours as much as I do mine.

One of my favorite get-togethers with my dad is a trip to the art museum and eating either lunch or dinner after our outing. We went today to DAM to see the Italian Renaissance exhibit. We decided Mexican food was the fare of the evening and ate a delightful dinner at La Loma in LoHi.

As I age, I often ponder authenticity and living a life that is truly mine. My dad has achieved that in his own life. In our conversation tonight, I achieved it, too. I said how I felt, peer to peer, without feeling like a little girl who would be reprimanded. Dad listened, and he shared, and I felt so at ease. So myself. I guess this is what getting older for all of us is all about.

Cheers to you, Dad. Thanks for letting me be me. I love you.

Rain

It is hard to believe that just a few days ago it was 40 degrees and rainy. This morning I took a walk in a short sleeve shirt and my sunnies fogged up from the heat! Colorado weather has made me realize that, although I love Portland as a city and Oregon as a whole, I love, love, love the sunshine. Chester and Stanley concur-they both hate the rain. The other night I found myself in my pajamas, leashing them up to force them to use the bathroom in the alley. The other morning, we slopped through the rain on a quick walk and of course they had to shake off the water on their fur in the living room. I just don't think they would have made very good Portland pups.

I am looking forward to some good weather for the 5K I am running with Shelley tomorrow. It is also Maddie's first birthday so a nice, sunny day will be good for a birthday party. Sunday it is supposed to be colder, but what better weather for a leisurely afternoon at the art museum with my dad?

Thoughts are going out to my mom's older brother who suffered a stroke a few days ago. Uncle Bill has had a few strokes and heart troubles over the years, and the doctors thought this was a severe stroke. My mom is with the family now, and the word is that he is doing better than expected. He recognized her and I am sure she feels blessed to have this chance to see him. I bet he rejoiced when he could see the face of his little sister. Makes me choke up when I picture it.

Summer promises

I have been in a bit of a blog funk. Lots has happened since my last post, but I haven't really felt like writing about each event. So I will recap here-I got to celebrate Meg's birthday with the birthday girl on her actual day; I got to celebrate Mom with a delicious brunch and some bocce ball; I visited the first Paris Street Market of the season; and I met with my DU internship coordinator to discuss internship possibilities during my first year. In between, I have been working, keeping up with the house chores, and catering to Chester and Stan's every need.

I also started thinking about this spring and summer and how these seasons will be different from last year. I had quit my job at the end of May last year only to face this daunting work void. The idea of a summer off sounded good, but in reality I was overwhelmed by my should do list. I should get this project done, that project done, and enjoy every minute of everything I do. There were some hefty expectations on my shoulders. Of course, as the summer progressed, I discovered how wonderful time off really was; I got to the mountains and to Oregon; I walked and discovered yoga. It took me though every day to wake up and be purposeful in listening to my inner voice about what I wanted to do that day.

This spring and summer, I have a new vantage point. I am no longer a newbie at this time off thing; I have worked at living in the moment and asking myself what do I want to do...(now, today)? But, there are a few summer promises I want to make to myself:

-Enjoy the yard and the yard work that comes with it. Make the most of this labor of love.
-Walk in the early hours of the morning, when the air has a slight chill to it-it is the coolest time of day.
-Keep my feet in tip top, flip flop shape.
-Go to every farmer's market, outdoor concert, and outdoor festival I read about.
-Get to the mountains. Breathe in that fresh mountain air, listen to the pine needles as they wave in the mountain breeze.
-Play at the park. Badminton, bocce ball, picnics...do it all.
-Don't be afraid to wear shorts or a swimsuit.

This is a long enough list for now...these promises scan the surface of some of the joys of summer. Because, it seems, summer is the shortest season of the year.

Double Whammy

Last Friday I got an email and phone call that there was fraudulent activity on my credit card. I called immediately and cancelled the card. The customer service rep said the company would be sending another. No big deal, I use my debit card mostly.

I was at Target this morning getting a few things, and upon checkout my debit card would not work. I called and the customer service rep said that the ATM I used on Friday was compromised yesterday and so the bank closed all debit cards and will issue new ones...this week.

I found myself, this morning, card-less. And I felt very abandoned.

After shaking off the inconvenience of waiting for my cards in the mail, I thought about inconvenience. I thought about the victims in the south of the tornadoes. How houses experienced what a Kitchen Aid could do to dry ingredients. How people had to put together their lives based on what they could find in rubble. I thought about the Japanese affected by the tsunami and the radiation spillage. Those towns that are levelled by water. That going outside meant a prayer and a mask. I thought to myself, yes, maybe I need to write checks until I get my cards, but at least my inconvenience isn't an entire uprooting of my entire life and well being.