Triumph

This picture is dedicated to anyone who needs to triumph...if you can end up looking this silly then you definitely have triumphed!

So I took the plunge and joined Facebook. I resisted for so long...I didn't think I would have time to keep up with it. I also didn't like having to ask my bestest of best to be my friends. After giving it a shot, I actually find it to be kinda fun. I am reconnecting with people I lost touch with and I also am connected with those I love the most. I think me and Facebook will be friends.

I am relishing in the smell of garlic on my stove...I am making a cabbage soup and caesar salad for dinner. Cabbage soup you say? What are you living in...Russia in the 1930's? Let me tell you...this recipe includes toasted bread, parmesean cheese, and the recipe states: "Bake at 350 until cheese is bubbly." Delightful. I have been giving a lot of thought to the whole weight issue of late. Lucky for me, the past 4 weeks of training did lead to a loss of 6 pounds. But here's the catch: I love to eat. I love to cook. So, while I want to get back to the size I was maybe 2 or 3 years ago, a part of me loathes the thought of starving myself, eating tuna from a can or a sensible breakfast of wheat toast with black coffee. I have decided to make this pact with myself-keep running and exercising and don't diet. Why deprive myself of one of my life's joys? A friend reminded me that our bodies are just the shell...as they change it is God's reminder that the inside is what counts. And I like my insides, no matter how imperfect I am. So, you may find I run 3 miles a day and still have birthing hips...but at least I can make my way around a kitchen!

Off to watch cheese bubble and brown.

A Successful Day

Thanksgiving turned out to be a pretty good day. I successfully completed the Turkey Trot with my brother and friend Eva by my side the whole way! When we hit mile 3 I knew I had to push on, but Mike gave me that extra push I needed by giving me a burst of energy. I think he was with us the whole day...the weather was beautiful and a bunch of friends/family spent Thanksgiving morning doing the race and coming over after for a few snacks. Dinner at Mom and Dad's was delicious as usual, and I came home to cozy up on the couch and watch a movie: "He's Just NOT That Into You." I missed Mike but truly believe he was there in all the friendship and love that was felt yesterday.

The rest of the weekend will be pretty relaxing...today I don't quite know what I will do. Tomorrow I will spend the morning with Susan and her little boy doing something, and then dinner with my parents and Mike's parents. Sunday I get to spend the afternoon with my Max which will be very fun, and then dinner with him, Jay and Jess later (baby news alert: They are expecting a boy!). I do miss Mike on a long weekend such as this, and wish he were here to go to a movie with, or to the mall, or on a hike or something. He is never far from my heart and mind.

Happy Thanksgiving to All

I want to just send Thanksgiving wishes to everyone. I hope you enjoy the day and maybe even a long weekend! Even though it has been a tough few months, gratitude has been on my mind. I am grateful for each person who has touched my life (like all of you!), a roof over my head, a good job, good health, Chester and Stanley (yes, while they drive me nuts they are my family)...the gratitude list can go on and on. I think it is important to remember being thankful even when we face adversity...it is a positive and uplifting way to face life even in the tough times.

4 miles and good skin

Robert and I just got back from running 4 miles! I hadn't run that length yet and this was the first time. I ran the whole way and didn't need to stop for air once! We ran about a 12 minute mile which isn't too bad, and I think we will be ready for the race. Race day will be fun-a few people will come over after for a bit and have snacks and such. I think it will be a nice way to face this holiday.

Mom and I went to a craft fair yesterday and I bought these facial products that are au natural. One is a face wash, one a spritzer/toner and the other is a light oil for moisturizer. I was using lotion but my face would get hot and red so I tried the light oil and it works like magic! All products are made from natural ingredients...aloe, almond oil, witch hazel, etc...and it is made by two local women. Here is their Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Reduce-Relax-Rejuvenate/189895079313
I am definitely going to keep buying these products!

Blog Vacation

I guess I have taken a week's vacation from the blog! I can't believe a whole week has gone by. This time last week I was coming in the door from my weekend getaway! It has been a busy week for sure...I think I had something to do every night of the week. I realized this week that I think I need to take it down a notch...be home more...clean more often (I had this realization after emptying the vacuum filter 3 times today!)...and not pack so much in. Everything I did was interesting-I went to a fashion show, saw the actor Ed Harris at the Denver Film Fest's kick off event, taught my class-but I am in need of a balance re-calibration.

I did lay on the couch and watch two movies, both of which I loved. The first was Away We Go-a very quirky movie but with a soundtrack I enjoyed (note to self: Download to Itunes). Tonight I watched The Notebook-I never did see that movie. I fell in love with Allie's and Noah's love and of course bawled at the last third of the movie. The first part caught my attention-along the lines of "If I have done one thing right in my life it is that I loved someone fully and deeply." I find so much comfort in that thought. Although Mike's and my time together was short, I truly believe in that statement. I saw him and me in Allie and Noah, sort of...we played, we fought, we loved well. The end reminded me of the commitment a good, strong love has in order to fully be present in the moment.

I had an interesting conversation Friday night with a friend of a friend. Mike became precious to me those last few weeks. Precious and terminal illness usually don't go together, I admit. But to watch the person you love most become vulnerable and frail, relying on others for some of the most simple things, without anger (most days) that person (to me) became so much more precious. I fell in love with Mike all over again as he struggled through everything...I fell in love with again the man I knew who was strong, relentless, but also vulnerable, caring and loving...and just so darn cute. It is hard to explain, and why I get into these types of conversations with people I don't know well is beyond me.

Turkey Trot training is going well. I consistently run about 3 miles every other day. This weekend my goal is to run the entire Turkey Trot route. It is funny, I haven't really lost much weight in the process even though I am eating less, drinking less, and running more-but my clothes fit better, pants feel bigger, and I am starting to lose my little donut around the waist. All of that feels so good, and I am glad I decided to make this a goal. It has been a positive outlet for me and some enjoyable time with myself. Hopefully I will keep it up after Thanksgiving.

Well, off to another week-this one promising to be less hectic.

Back and Rested

I got back last night from Scottsdale and I had a nice time away. Most of the pictures are of the hotel so you can see just a little taste of luxury for the past few nights. The hotel was nice, albeit a hotel for very pretty people. The pool was a hopping place in the afternoons with scantily clad bikini wearing women and oogling men, so I avoided that scene. I opted for an early swim when everyone else were nursing hangovers and eating late breakfasts. I pretty much did a lot of strolling, shopping, and relaxing. Sue took me to two museums yesterday, both very nice museums and it was good to catch up with her. All in all it was a nice weekend and I feel ready to face the week! (If only my backyard looked like the picture with the pool!).

Checking out

Tomorrow I am checking out for a few days and going to Scottsdale. Although I wish it were like 20 degrees here and 80 degrees there, it will be 70 degrees here and 80 there...oh well. I just need to get away. I yelled at the boys last night for being constantly underfoot...I am tired of my job...I don't want to work on the house...I just need some shopping, a pool, sleeping in until whenever...breakfast at my convenience...and no real itinerary. Hmmmm...I may get so spoiled that I will have to do this more often.

Mike will be with me...I have already employed him to hold my hand during the take off and landing. Figuratively speaking, of course.

Turkey Trot updates to come soon when I get back. I am bringing the tennies so I can take a nice long run in AZ. Then the pool! Or massage. Not sure.

Ciao for now.

Turkey Trot Update

I took on the challenge of running with a co-worker yesterday who is a triathelete. I was very nervous and kept telling her before we went, "Feel free to run ahead," and "I run very slow, just an FYI." She was very patient with me and reassured me that she was looking forward to our run. Off we went after work to the park nearby. She kept my pace which allowed us to talk the whole time. We went once around the lake and I asked her, "Are we going around again?" She said, "Well, I thought we would run this lake twice, but if you want to go back..." I decided to push on, and it became easier as I did. I asked her if she knew how many miles our run was because she lives nearby and she said it was 3 miles. Wow!! 3 miles! I didn't know I had it in me.

I realized some secrets to a successful run: It isn't about how fast but how I keep pace. I need to be able to breathe in deep as I am running, not hyperventilating. I need to push through the first 10 minutes because after that it is really truly downhill after that. If I run with someone it is important to be able to talk. I think if I keep these basic ideas in mind I will be pretty successful.

My brother said he will run the Turkey Trot with me. He, too, is a great running partner-he keeps my pace and pushes me a little to keep going. If he runs with me at least I won't be the only one coming in last at the Trot!

Can you feel him?

I watched Oprah's interview with Patrick Swayze's wife Lisa Niemi on Friday. It was her first interview since he died of pancreatic cancer in September. She was stunning, with long blond hair, wearing all black, and had the flushed cheeks of someone who is passionately remembering the love of her life. She smiled as she spoke but I couldn't help notice the times she wiped the corner of her eye as she talked about his cancer, their love, and his final days. Oprah asked Lisa that question all of us get when we lose someone close..."Can you feel him with you?" For Lisa as well she must be always be reminded of the movie Ghost that Patrick starred in with Demi Moore. She said she did feel him, that she never felt his life and soul leave his body and she believes that soul is here with her. It was a moving interview and I am glad I saved it on DVR.

I used to wonder when Mike died if I would feel him but I didn't know what that meant. I tried to guess...I would lay awake at night expecting the bedroom door to shut randomly or to hear, actually hear his voice or maybe wake up to some vision of him sleeping next to me. Over time I have learned what "can you feel him" means. It is the swell in my heart when I think of him. It is waking from a dream, remembering he was the star of that dream. It is a sudden comfort that washes over me after a few fits of tears. It is a new confidence I exude, knowing somehow deep down I am okay. That I haven't fallen apart; rather, that he is with me holding a soft, downy blanket under me so if I do fall it isn't so bad.

Check out Oprah online about the interview...it is so rare to be present in the moment of someone that raw reflecting on the one true love of her life.
http://www.oprah.com/article/seriesandspecials/previuosshows/pkgscreeningroom/20091030-tows-lisa-niemi-patrick-swayze