Decisions, Decisions

My classes in social work school taught me the importance of validation. When I work with clients, it is imperative that I say, "It makes sense you feel this way" or "Wow, that must be a tough thing to go through" and "I know so many people who are facing the exact situation and feel frustrated, too". Validation helps people feel less isolated and feel like they can tackle what comes next.

My validation happened today, but it was a little different. It was more validation that my decision to move in pursuit of a job is the right decision. I took a "Licensure Exam Prep Course" through DU last night and today which is a workshop designed to help MSW's looking to be licensed understand the licensure test, the kinds of questions asked, and test taking strategies. Friday night we met and when I walked into the room I saw a number of faces that were familiar because we went to school together. All in all, there were about 25 or so people taking the workshop. At the beginning of the night we went around introducing ourselves and the kind of social work we did. 60% of the people there said they were unemployed and looking, and this 60% included every single one of my classmates. Well, one exception was a gal who just took an as-needed medical social worker job at a local hospital. We had a few classes together. She is married and her husband has been living and working in San Francisco for the past two years while she completed the degree, and he is tentatively moving to Denver now based on this PRN position she has accepted. Now that is faith!

My validation happened a bit selfishly in that I didn't have in common with my classmates lack of employment, but that I actually had a job. And though this job will take me to another part of the state, and I have to sell my house and uproot the boys and leave my friends and family, it is a job. And a really, really good one at that, doing work that I really want to do (at least that is what I am anticipating it to be).

I know my classmates will find work. Each one are amazing, insightful, empathetic people that the right job is waiting in the wings. I have faith that my MSW friends will find a place for themselves in the social work world, even if it means deferring student loans yet again to pursue a Phd in social work. Who knows where each one will end up, but they will end up somewhere.

I feel so grateful that the universe and I worked together in making this happen for me. I talked with a classmate who had interviewed for my same job on the same day I interviewed; he said he is a firm believer that things work out the way they are supposed to. And I must say...I agree.

Chugging along

Things are finally moving forward! The home inspection is tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed, everyone, that I haven't been living in a ticking time-bomb or anything like that! Just kidding, the home has pretty good bones I think. If there are concerns here or there, I don't think they will be anything that would be a deal breaker. I accepted this offer not only because it is a really cute couple, but because they offered more than I was asking. That way, negotiation isn't so painful and we will all come out winning. That is what I hope for!

I have been packing/cleaning/getting things done little by little each day. I have been trying to have some fun, too. Mom, Dad, me and boys went on a walk at Lair of the Bear park yesterday. Then I came home and got right to packing while the plumber fixed a few things. I indulged in a really cute BBC series Mom told me about later in the evening called "Lark Rise to Candleford." One of those lovely British old school story lines. The main character, Laura, reminded me of me in way...leaving the home she has always known for a new life in Candleford. It seems far to her, but only less than 8 miles away by foot or horse. My journey is a little farther, but things go faster by car.

I am slowly finishing up tackling the basement. Most everything is packed up. I am just hoping it all fits in my little storage unit. Now I have to tackle my clothing, some kitchen essentials, and some stuff in the office. All doable I think in the time I have.

Tonight I am indulging in My Brother's Bar with Liz. I have been trying to eat at places where I won't be going for awhile, if again at all. I am going to have an actual hamburger, not a veggie burger like I normally do. I deserve it, I think!

Interesting Converstation

I went to the eye doctor today to update my prescription, get a new pair of eyeglasses, and also refresh my sunglass prescription. It was the first time I had visited this eye doctor, so she asked me why I came in and I told her that I am moving and just wanted to get my eyes checked before the move. We chatted for a bit, she asked me a series of questions...where are you moving? What are you going to do for work? Are you single or married? Nowadays I just say single unless it is someone who I can captivate for over an hour. Once I told her single and moving to Montrose, she looked concerned and said, "Wow! It is going to be really hard to meet someone in a small town, isn't it?" I recognize transference when I see it, and noticed she does not have a wedding ring, and she is young, so perhaps her mind for herself is already focused on meeting someone. I just laughed her off and said, "Well, there is probably a Match.com or something in that area of the state", got my prescription (and I must note that next exam we may delve deeper into "progressives"...ugh...meeting 40 soon...), and I left.

Never once have I thought that if I move to Montrose my prospects of meeting a mate are less than zero.

But, in Denver, they are as well.

And, I already had the man of my dreams. Now my job is to have the life of my dreams. And this is another step toward that life.

I watch Oprah's "Super Soul Sunday" each week and she had the music artist India.Arie on last Sunday. India.Arie hit it big with music, lost herself, went into spiritual crisis, found herself, and is now on her path. She said one thing that spoke to me. "The one job we have in this life is to be ourselves." Yes. Yes. Yes.

Since Mike died, I never really determined who I was. I kind of stayed the same person only minus him. But I have had a number of reminders that I need to connect with who I am. I remember a phone conversation I had with Meg after a book club. My lovely book club, full of wonderful women who are moms, married, and lead professional work lives. I wasn't connecting, and every meeting I was feeling more and more isolated. I was trying to be the same kind of person as they were, but couldn't be which lead me to frustration that I was trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.

This journey to Grand Junction and Montrose is MINE! I get to do with it what I wish. And I get to fulfill my job to be myself. Maybe that person never meets the next man of her dreams. Maybe that person doesn't love the job or the area and chooses something different. Maybe that person snuggles in and embeds herself into this new community and lives there for the rest of her life. Who knows!

All I know is that signs point me in my direction. My love of Montrose back in 2000. My desire to leave city living behind. My desire to work in hospice and also work in community. The fact that my truck and house sold in perfect circumstances. I just need to breathe, listen, and move slowly but assuredly toward the next step. I have all the belief in the world that my next steps will be utterly amazing and exactly what I need to fulfill my job in life of being me.

Mindfulness

I spent the last year in grad school learning about self care, meditation, and mindfulness. I have always found these topics to be fascinating especially around the mind/body connection. One thing we learned was mindfulness when doing the dishes, driving, answering the telephone, taking a walk...just being present and not preoccupied with other things, thoughts, or distractions.

One thing we did not discuss is having mindfulness in times of distress. None of the above are distressing events, but experiencing my anxious yellow lab having diarrhea in the backseat of my car, all over his chocolate lab brother and my fabric car seats, as I went through Eisenhower tunnel today was not something I learned about in class with regards to mindfulness.

Let me back up and explain. Preparing to move has taken over my life since graduation and my job offer. I am completely and totally excited about it, and quite frankly wish I could say "Beam me up Scotty" and my house, along with everything in it, would be taken someplace I could access at a later date. But, no. I have to pack, put the house on the market, be out of it for showings, make decisions about who I will sign a contract with, and prepare for a new job in a new town. All by myself. Me, myself, and I. Now, I have had some help-Liz with the crawl space and respite at Mom and Dad's yesterday with the dogs for 5 hours while the house was being shown-but most everything is being done by me.

Foresight is a hard thing to come across when selling a house. I invited my folks up to Dillon for a night with the dogs and me tonight because I wanted to A) Spend time with them, B) Enjoy 80 degree weather instead of 90 and C) Be gone while the house was being shown. Little did I know that once the house was on the market (Monday) and showings were scheduled ASAP (Tuesday) that I would have to be out of the house most of the day Tuesday with my anxious, large, overzealous, totally loving, awkward, 90 lb labs.

It was all too much for Stan. After 11 years of knowing him, I am finally understanding him. He thrives on consistency and predictability. Otherwise, he goes nuts, or as Oprah would put it, "Becomes out of alignment with the universe." Thus, ever since I have been getting ready to put the house on the market (cleaning, packing, having people over here and there) he has been off kilter. Hence, the diarrhea in the car today. I think all he wanted was to get "back to normal." Sorry, big guy, we aren't going to see normal for a while.

Which leads me to say that I have a lot to learn about mindfulness. Because, after weeks of packing and sleepless nights I was hoping for one night of respite. And I didn't get it. Instead of being mindful, and taking a "Que Sera Sera" approach, I yelled, slammed things down, cursed, and wished for a martini at 3pm-and I don't even drink martini's. My parents were patient and understanding as I pulled up to the hotel in Dillon where we were staying after calling to say that Stan pooped the car and we have to turn around and go home. This trip to Dillon was my idea, so I was feeling like I let everyone down. Needless to say, we came home, I turned the hose on the boys to their utter dismay, hand vacuumed and shampooed the car (I will get it professionally cleaned as well, in case you, the reader, is to ever ride in the back), I ordered Indian food, and we all settled in for the night in front of Master Chef on television.

After our unexpected day, the most poignant was as I was watching TV, Stan came over to me to lay down. He was still wet from the bath, and I had the AC on, so he was probably cold. I put a blanket on him and pet him as we sat together. And I thought, "I have had upset stomachs before...I have had to ask (or plead) family or friends pull into a gas station so I could use the bathroom. He tried to tell me, but he couldn't, what he needed. He and I are not that much different." It was endearing, and it got me to realize that maybe mindfulness can happen later, after the disappointment, frustration, anger...maybe mindfulness can happen in retrospect once I can appreciate the situation for what it is...Life.

As I have told Meg, "What I don't like about life, I love about life." That unpredictability could lead to your dog with diarrhea in the car, or a beautiful night in Dillon looking up as the stars shimmer over the reservoir. The most important thing is that I am here to experience it, whatever turn it takes.

As of this afternoon...

...On the market!

Note to self

My dear Melanie,

I have been meaning to ask you this since you accepted a job in another town and decided to move...why, oh why, have you purchased so much stuff in your life? Why, oh why, haven't you cleaned out under your bed for a number of years, or scrubbed under the bathtub, or dusted the walls? Because now, you are in a cleaning and packing...bad dream (the kind where you feel like you are suffocating under water)...for lack of a better term.

I know, I know...retail therapy can be so satisfying. And who wants to crawl around on a floor with a vacuum on a weekend? But...now you are paying the price. Yes, every item of clothing you have is really cute and you try to wear each one...your 25 pairs of shoes cover all seasons, even the pairs you found after 2 years under your bed...you can never resist buying that cute pair of earrings...and what is one more book, right?

It all adds up, my dear, into stuff, stuff, stuff. You should consider what you are contributing to the landfill right now. Your ecoprint, my friend, is a dark shade of gray...not green.

This is not a note to shame you...rather, remind you to put things in perspective...

You have amassed over your lifespan a pretty remarkable genre of books, items, and clothing with which you feel kindred. The English tea set from Aunt Kakie. The Parisian painting in your dining room. Every book Tim O'Brien ever wrote. Those earrings your friend made and the ones from Santa Fe. Use those items, my friend, and don't be seduced by those Crate and Barrel advertisements, a trip to 5 Green Boxes, or a saunter into Anthropologie. Your style is already among the things you own, so use them, wear them, and entertain in and with them proudly. And remember, your shine from the inside is what matters most, not all the stuff that surrounds it.

Yours truly,

Your dear Melanie

Ramblings

It has been a busy few weeks since I graduated. I have been getting my basement organized-Mike and I put so much stuff in our crawlspace, and I am unearthing so many things that have been forgotten. My favorite was a box of cassette tapes from high school with a note on it to me: "Future project-write down titles and get CD's". Well, that never happened because that box has been living in a crawlspace for 12 years!

I have been trying to infuse a little fun into my weeks, and a few naps. Yesterday I went to the Gardens with Susan and her new baby girl. I haven't spent much time with Susan so it was a nice way to spend the morning. I then got summer fever as I joined Meg and her family at the community pool and ate pizza. We watched a movie later. It felt good to decompress and be with good friends.

Today, I am back at it. Only, though, after mourning the loss of James Gandolfini. I saw every episode of The Sopranos, sometimes twice. He was a captivating actor, and I found myself having a crush on his Tony Soprano character because there was something about him. RIP Mr. Gandolfini and thank you for years of entertainment.

Sometimes you just need to lean in

Two notable experiences happened this week. Both were a reminder that sometimes in life, you just need to lean in.

The first, and really most important, is that Dad and I hiked the Hanging Lake trail today. He has wanted to do it for a few years now, as we all try to get to Glenwood every year for the pool and are called to the seduction of the Hanging Lake trail every time we drive through the canyon. What I love about this trail is the myth that surrounds it. Some say it used to be easier; some say it was recently renovated; some say it is one of the hardest trails...everyone has their memories of years past hiking that trail. I know I do, but I can't remember if it was easy or hard. It is as if once you master the trail it wipes all memory of the experience out of your mind.

I must admit, I was anxious this morning about the hike. I didn't want to chicken out and let Dad down, but I also know my body has limits. I was remembering a hike to Mt. Sanitas in Boulder where I went with a friend but couldn't even make it halfway up. Dad may have had some anxiety as well, but he didn't say it nor show it. We both gave each other the okay that if it got too hard we could come back down. But in my heart of hearts, I knew that I was in it. 

The first part of the trail was like stairstepping rocks. Luckily, Dad brought his ski poles and shared one with me. Then the trail might even out, then more rocks, then really steep sandy gravel. We happened upon six bridges and each bridge got a "woo hoo" from me because it meant straight and level ground for at least a few steps. I was sweaty, glasses foggy. Dad was careful, purposeful. We only saw a few people going up the trail as it was early. The end of the trail were these steep stairs that I almost turned my back on. But I knew I couldn't do that to Dad.

We got to the lake and it was stunning. A real wonder of the natural world. It was chilly but the sky was clear as was the water. We saw fish swimming and ecosystems filled with thick growth. I had left my camera in the car, so I am appropriating this picture that was posted online by "the Fletcher family"...

We sat there a bit, chatted with another person who had ventured up as well, and then headed back down. Going down on this trail is almost harder than going up. Not only must you watch your footing, your thighs are weak from the effort it took to climb the dirt trail, rocks and stairs. Jello would be the word to describe the legs during the descent. The pole was helpful but then I started constantly putting pressure on the one arm with the pole so that arm is sore. Dad scaled down beautifully and I was a bit of a mess, convinced I left my legs at the lake. It felt good when we were closer to our destination than the new hikers were to theirs.

At the end, I looked like a sweaty mess. Dad, on the other hand, looked just as dapper as he always does. Cowboy hat intact, no visible sweat, and only a little dirt on his pants...while I looked like I stood under the waterfall all morning. We went back to the car and got the camera. I knew we needed to commemorate this somehow...

The second notable happening is that I got a job. Not even one week out of social work school and I have been hired! It wasn't seeming that optimistic before graduating as I had applied to numerous places a month before graduation and was rejected or never heard back. I happened upon a social worker job opening at a hospice that covers Grand Junction, Montrose and Delta. I thought, "What the Heck!" and put in my application. They invited me to interview Monday, so I made it into a little vacation. I got to know Montrose, had my interview, and then drove through Grand Junction to Glenwood Springs. All the while, the little voice in the back of my head was asking me about moving, how I felt the interview went, and what I would do if the woman called me to hire me. I kept checking voicemail all week to no avail, until today, when I got her call. She asked "Would you like to come work for us?" I had done so much thinking all week I said, "Yes Please!" The opportunity is great...it is a reputable hospice with a monopoly of the industry in the valley. It reminded me a lot of Agape where I interned, plus it is a full time gig with all the benefits adults enjoy-health insurance, 403B plan, good pay, and licensure supervision for my clinical license free of charge. Every job I found in Denver was part-time, no benefits, and on call during hours not working. So, I had to weigh the move with the great opportunity that it is. I think the boys and I will enjoy the adventure. Montrose is within an hour of Telluride, Ouray, Gunnison, and Crested Butte. Weekends will be full of adventure for sure!

I enjoyed the time away, though it took until Wednesday to get relaxed. I drove through Palisade, where the orchards aren't yet blooming but it is still pretty. I love this picture-the brown and gray colors along with the vibrant greens...and the other picture-no produce was available just yet but I love the idea of this along a random road...

The drive to the interview was nice-I took US 50 over Monarch Pass. The views were pretty, though I ran into road work an hour before my interview which shattered my nerves...

Dad met me in Glenwood yesterday afternoon. In the morning, I drove to my favorite spot-Redstone. Like my flowers this year, some of the small mountain towns are waking up later in the season due to the lingering cold weather. Thus, none of the stores were really open, but I managed to grab a shot of Mt. Sopris...

I managed, too, to find one of my beloved Gnomes atop a post at a local store...

Sometimes, in life, you just need to lean in. Enjoy the scenery. Take hold of new opportunities. Life is so much like a river. Take the Crystal River for example, that runs along Carbondale and Redstone. No part of that river ever stays the same-It changes with the environment, the seasons, the rushing water. From Herman Hesse:

"But out of all secrets of the river, he today only saw one, this one touched his soul. He saw: this water ran and ran, incessantly it ran, and was nevertheless always there, was always and at all times the same and yet new in every moment! Great be he who would grasp this, understand this! He understood and grasped it not, only felt some idea of it stirring, a distant memory, divine voices."

It came, it went, it was truly great!

Last night Robert and I went to the Fleetwood Mac concert. We bought tickets 9 or so months ago, so it has been in the back of my mind that June 1st would be a spectacular night. And they did not disappoint!

They began the concert a tad late, but there was no opening act. Thus, the anticipation for them to come onstage was thick. Once they did, the crowd erupted in applause and I think I started losing my voice at the beginning of the concert I was screaming so much. They played until 10:55pm with no break. Not bad for a bunch of 60 pluses (man, when I am 65 I do want to look like Stevie Nicks! She is gorgeous!). 

They played a really great variety of music. You know when you see bands that haven't performed together for a while, sometimes they do a reunion tour around an album they just released, and maybe only play one or two favs. Fleetwood Mac mainly played favs, with a few songs peppered in that they recently wrote, and two that were uncovered after being underground since the 70's. There was this beautiful ballad Lindsey and Stevie sang together...sounded like Simon and Garfunkel.

We had nosebleed seats but they were smack dab in the center of the arena so we had the perfect view. It was truly one of those experiences I am so glad I didn't miss.

Humor

The one thing about hospice workers is that we have a very interesting sense of humor. We have to! My colleague showed me this video and today and I was in stitches. It is an ad campaign from Australia about being safe around trains. I hope it brings you some humor today!

Finish line

I am heading toward the finish line. I had my last class last night and am finishing up my internship this week. It doesn't seem real! But, it is time to move on...to the next adventure!

Spring Creativity

I feel - once spring has really showed her pretty face - that I have a lot of creative energy. I have been playing in the yard a lot these past two weeks. It is certainly a lovely little oasis...

I moved the table and four chairs in order to make more space on the patio to chill; Stan likes laying by this chair...

I decided to try my hand at herbs along with bell and jalapeño peppers this year...we shall see...

A little sitting nook...

Hey, who are those little dudes in the garden?

Despite the late snow, I did end up with a few lilacs this year!

Another creative project I have been working on is for my Empowerment Practice with Diverse Communities class. My teacher is super cool and we could do anything creative for our final project. So, I made this art piece

The wording says "Empowerment begins with Humility and Vulnerability". Social workers aim to help clients and communities toward being empowered, and both traits are necessary-humility on the part of the social worker, and vulnerability on the part of the client. I did a tile mosaic along with layered tissue paper to represent the deconstruction of power systems as well as the complexity of power and powerlessness. It felt good to smash cheap plates and cups that I bought at ARC with a hammer...smashing the construct of patriarchy...Ok, ok...I will save it for the paper I have to turn in along with the art piece. I think I am going to give it to my teacher-but I haven't decided just yet : )

The Radio

I know as a social worker, humility is one of the foremost traits to have. It isn't about me, the social worker, and what I do...it is about the patient/client/family and how they may improve their lives. But, every once in a while, something that I do might make a person happy. And I think it is okay to take pride in that.

I was in a care conference for a patient with my team from hospice and the team from the facility where he lives. He had gone through a tough time recently, showing signs of depression from his illness, so our team rallied together and tried to figure out ways to improve his quality of life. He has very few possessions and I noticed he didn't have a radio. I asked him if he would like one and he said he loved music-turns out he played the saxophone in his earlier days. So, I went off to Target, bought him a little $20 radio, took it to him, plugged it in, and he jammed out to the jazz station as I was leaving.

In our meeting the other day, the nurse said that he just loves this radio. I guess he takes it with him wherever he goes, plugs it into a an outlet, and listens to the jazz station. She said she heard music coming from the front room in the facility and there he was, in his wheelchair looking out the window, with the radio in his lap. I suppose I find it heart warming to know that this little gesture has meant something to him, and I didn't just buy it for him because I felt like he needed music.

I am transitioning out of my internship as I prepare for graduation and I am going to miss the patients and my colleagues. It has been a really special learning experience for me, and there have been countless times a patient or family member touched my heart. The radio scenario tells me I am walking away having touched the heart of at least one patient.

My New Mac

To make a very long story short I had to get a new computer this weekend. I stuck with the MacBook Pro but got the 15 inch. And it has this fun little feature called Photo Booth!

Chicken n' Waffles

I know, I know...it doesn't sound that good. Or it sounds like a heart attack waiting to happen. But waffles in and of them selves are just regular batter made into a waffle, so it is like having chicken and biscuits or something.  For some reason lately I have been wanting chicken and waffles. I finally got it tonight at The Corner Office. Jen, her sister-in-law Eva and I went there for dinner before seeing The Blue Man Group at the Buell. Lo and behold on the menu is chicken and waffles. I went for it. And it was good. It was too much food so I only ate half, but savor is the better word. Literally, it is a Belgian waffle, with 4 pieces of fried chicken on top, along with a side of syrup. It was really good. I did see a Restaurant Impossible episode where Robert Irvine made his recipe and it included a jalapeno cream cheese/butter for the the waffle. So, here is my ideal plate: A nice, thick Belgian waffle, two fried chicken tenders on top (so I can cut through without the bone), and on the waffle a nice spread of jalapeno butter or cream cheese. I would add just a bit of real maple syrup but not too much along the top of it all. Yummy! Blue Man Group was fun, too. I had never seen them in action and it was very stimulating. I got to dance off some of those chicken and waffles, too, during the show which was a bonus!

Photo courtesy of The Corner Office

This comment has been deleted by the blog administrator

My mom had asked me once what that meant and what comments I was deleting. So, I thought I would explain. Somehow people out in the world of the internet get wind of my blog postings and they never make grammatical sense and the links they post take you to some random thing to buy. So I usually delete them. I saw 5 comments on my last post about the truck, all by random people who don't know how to write a sentence. So, just wanted you all to know why I delete some of the comments that are posted!

First things first...

I really want to know when April showers will bring spring flowers...I am totally over this snowy, really cold weather. Last weekend I had gotten the bug and planted some pots with pansies, and of course by today they look wilted and sad. I am also really tired of wanting to take a nap around this time of the afternoon because of how gloomy it is outside...I would rather want to go for a walk or something! Okay, enough complaining. At least we are getting that much needed moisture whose absence will lead to brown, dry lawns this summer.

I had a lovely night with Frank and Mary Margaret on Friday at the Ship's Tavern downtown. They are  the real thing...those people you just want to spend hours with.

Yesterday I had my first Reiki session. Reiki works with energy...we are all energetic beings, after all. We want to think we are flesh and organs with a soul, but we are energy. Sometimes our energy gets stuck or blocked and a Reiki session will work that energy out of blocked areas so that energy can flow freely. My previous boss at Regis-Barbara-is now a Reiki Master (Shameless plug: Here is her website http://www.sourceenergyreiki.com/) and so I decided to give it a go. I was feeling like I needed an energy shift since I am beginning upon new transition and change once I graduate from DU. She worked her magic and by the end I was visualizing walking with a horse (Of course he looked like Cody from the therapy farm) along an empty beach with the ocean eating up our feet and hoofs. As the session concluded I found myself laughing...hysterically...for about 10 minutes. I couldn't stop. She said it is one of many reactions people have (ranging from crying to having to use the bathroom) and that I was releasing some of the blocked energy through laughter. Which makes sense...living alone I don't laugh very often, unless I see a funny TV show or something. So I guess laughter has been sitting inside me and needed to be released! Today I felt lighter, and found myself laughing with a classmate about something (okay, at the expense of one of our teachers if I am going to be honest) as well as just not taking everything too seriously. It felt so good.

Robert is turning 40 next week. Earth Day. We are having a family dinner at La Loma. No pomp and circumstance, and as much as I want to shower him with black balloons, a crazy surprise party and a mariachi band, he is just hoping for a quiet celebration. Take note now...I am okay with any of the above for my 40th!

Well, off to tend to another week. The Reiki session has left me feeling pretty creative, though, so I think I will avoid the nap and make something creative. I wish to all of you the beginning to a great week and maybe find something to laugh about!

Goodbye, Old Friend

Serendipity. I have been noticing the little and not so little things in life that aren't necessarily explainable. Not coincidences; no, not that simple. It is the elf that randomly showed up in my garden and lit up on its own on my anniversary. It is saying goodbye to an old friend only to know that another person has been made very happy.

Let me explain.

A few weeks ago I had the Jetta serviced and found out it needs a new catalytic converter. It is pretty pricey because the mechanic wants to use Jetta parts which is the recommended way to go. I started pondering selling the Jetta or donating it to public radio. Since I was on the fence I didn't get the catalytic converter done at that time. One day after it had snowed I had come home driving my truck. My neighbor approached me and asked if I would consider selling it; that he had a friend who wanted a Toyota Tacoma 5-speed. I hemmed and hawed, because I do like the truck for some things, and it was Mikey's pride and joy. I finally connected with the guy and he loved it. He has a dog, too, so the dog hair didn't bother him. It all felt so right and I didn't even have second thoughts once I met him and saw how happy this truck would make him. We talked price, I asked him what he would pay and he offered $5000 more than I was thinking of asking (we both chose different search terms on various auto websites that look at resale value). I let him take it to his mechanic and the mechanic gave it glowing reviews.

This morning we made the exchange-money for me, truck for him. I watched him drive off after he promised me he would take as good of care of it as Mike and I did. And I believe him.

Where I was once pondering selling the one car, the other one was sold in literally a perfect situation. Serendipity.

Goodbye, Old Friend. You made Mike and me very happy. We moved appliances and furniture and tile in you; you helped us move friends to new houses. You took Mike to his PET scans safely and took Chester and Stanley to Chatfield to run and play. You and I went to Wyoming together, to Glenwood Springs, to Steamboat, to Winter Park, to Estes Park, to Wilderness Ranch on those washboard roads. You endured having your insides covered in dog hair because you knew you took us to places that were fun. You are going to make your new owner very happy, and you have allowed me to sock away some money for a new car someday. Enjoy your new life, the new dog who gets the backseat all to himself and a new "gear head" owner who will keep you bright and spiffy.

Here's to you!

Happy Spring! Happy Easter!

Belief

It is not that I am NOT a believer...I just don't know what to believe.

I came home after a really great dinner with Liz at My Brother's Bar. Today was my 13th wedding anniversary to Mike and Liz agreed to celebrate with me at one of Mike and my favorite places. I pulled up to the house and that little Gnome/Elf creature I wrote about a few posts back was all lit up.  Never mind that I have tried to press the "on" button to no avail since it appeared in my garden. Tonight of all nights it is all lit up. There are tracks in the snow going from the sidewalk to the gnome but none out and back.

Hmmm...not sure what it is all about but I will hope that there is magic in not knowing.

Happy 13th anniversary, Mike. Keep those wondrous events happening. They certainly keep me on my toes.

XO Mel

A minute or two in nature

This morning as I was getting the boys ready for their walk I saw the sunrise. It just peeked out of the clouds for a minute, but I managed to capture a picture of it...

I found today that I needed a small dose of nature, and not the Washington Park kind. So, I headed to my favorite short-trip spot at Lair of the Bear Open Space. I walked along Bear Creek and enjoyed the crisp smells of the wind and I listened to all the sounds of spring-a rushing creek, birds chirping, the wind blowing. It was just what the doctor ordered to finish up a busy spring break week and getting ready for my final quarter. I love this picture because it shows that against the gray there are these beautiful yellow branches...

Sometimes I try to snap pictures of myself...

And sometimes I try to capture a moment in my memory. I thought I would share with you this lovely short video of the rushing creek, along with it a lovely quote about nature, for you to take 20 seconds to breathe...

 

“Those who contemplate the beauty of the earth find reserves of strength that will endure as long as life lasts. There is something infinitely healing in the repeated refrains of nature -- 

the assurance that dawn comes after night, and spring after winter.” -Rachel Carson

Kudos

I finally got a new dishwasher. The old one hasn't been working for quite some time. Mike had installed it when we renovated the kitchen and that was in early 2008 I think. The installer guy told me that it probably had just gotten its use. He also told me that the old one had the best installation job he had ever seen. "Really?" I said. He said he doesn't even install as good as that. I smiled to myself...leave it to Mikey to have done a perfect job. Now I am off to the store to buy dish detergent and Rinse Aid! Thought I would leave you with a pic of Mike in action.

40

I would like to think we would be doing something special for Mike's 40th today. The first thing that came to mind was...Disneyland! Here is him in the teacups at Disney Paris. What a smile.

Happy birthday, Mike!

XOXO Mel

Things aren't making sense in my world...

...I came home from a delicious 5280 dinner with my brother at The Palm. Welcoming me in my front garden plot is a Gnome with a lit up sign that says "Welcome". He was not here when I came home earlier-I recall that I scanned the front garden plots with planting thoughts of spring and there was no little Welcome Nome. Where did he come from? I called some neighbors and no one claimed putting it there.

Maybe the universe is trying to remind me that things don't often make sense but we fit them into boxes until they do. I suppose it is best if I just relish the spontanaity of it all.

(This is not what the statue looks like but it is the closest thing I could find on the internet)

You are Beautiful

I watched Oprah's "Super Soul Sunday" the other day. Not only did she have the amazing Panache Desai ( http://www.panachedesai.com/ )as a guest, she highlighted an artist who spearheaded the "You Are Beautiful"campaign. You know how that little in your head may tell you that you are too fat, not pretty enough, have too many wrinkles, etc. etc....and that little voice can make or break the kind of self confidence you may have, or affect negatively the kind of day you are having? The "You Are Beautiful" campaign is a reminder that, well....YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! Say that to yourself instead of criticizing yourself that you need to lose 10 pounds and I think you might be a little happier : )

The way to the heart...

...is with a carrot.

I had my first "solo" feeding at the animal assited therapy farm today. Not only was feeding involved but poor Misty had hurt herself and needed eye drop medication throughout the day. I admit, I was a little nervous with this being my first all by myself. But then I realized that I have two massive dogs, who often don't have any manners, to care for. I have been through a cancer scare, with Chester wearing that stupid cone for weeks; I have been through ear drops for ear infections, as well as Stan's arthritis and all the medications and issues for that. So, giving Misty some eye drops actually was a breeze. I didn't even need to bridle her.

Well, I suppose I should give some props to my wing man, the carrot stick. I brought a few and they made my feeding and medication life so much easier! Cody, the big horse, is a bit of a carrot hog so I had to make sure either he was not around when I was bribing the mini horses, or he was in his own pen. Stormy (the mini-horse love of my life) was a bit demanding when it came to his carrots. He would stomp his hoof on the ground and sniff around my pockets.

I cleaned up some poop...you know the saying "you don't s*@t where you eat"...and I walked around the pen with Stormy. I gave special attention to Misty and the goats. Cody and I had some sarcastic banter here and there. All in all, a great day on the farm!

Below is Dahlia, wondering if sweet grain gets spewed from the camera lens...

My beloved Stormy...Kinda reminds me of Stan...

Mr Cody behind bars...

A hard day's work...

Caught in the act!

The barn

37 in 28 degrees

I had a great birthday weekend! Lots of eating out and being with good people. The weekend began with bookclub on Thursday night, where I spent a lovely evening (until midnight!) with some of the most amazing women I know. We talked about all sorts of meaningful things. Friday night I had dinner at India's with Jen...I rarely see her, so a birthday is a good time to get together. Saturday Robert treated me to Pei Wei. Sunday I went to see the Georgia O'Keefe exhibit at the DAM with my neighbors, and enjoyed some wood fired pizza for dinner. The "big day" was full of special birthday wishes from special people, along with a golf Par 3 in 28 degree weather with Liz (probably the only person I know who would play golf with me in that kind of weather!). The night was topped off with a delicious dinner at 730 South with the family and a few nice gifts, like a gift card to Sports Authority to get new golf clubs! On the course, I fared okay, although here I am after I hit a ball into the sand...

And here I am hitting the ball out of the sand...

All in all, 36 went out pretty fully lived and 37 was welcomed in with all the promises of a good year!

64 Days

Did you know that Jan 30-April 4 is the season for nonviolence? The website www.64days.org shows us how to celebrate nonviolence in our everyday lives. Just one person and send peaceful energy out into the world that really can make a difference! Interested in this challenge? Here are day by day things we all can do to bring a little more peace into the world!

Season for Nonviolence 

64 Daily Practices

WEEK 1 (1-7)

Nonviolence begins with learning how to be less violent and more compassionate towardsourselves. We learn by building the courage to speak and act with respect, honor andreverence for our own being.

Day 1 – COURAGE  (Jan. 30)

Eleanor Roosevelt has urged, "You must do the things that you think you cannot do."  Practicing these 64Ways will challenge you to do things that you think you cannot do.  Today, light a candle and accept thecourage to practice 64 Ways of living nonviolently.

Day 2 – SMILING (Jan. 31)

Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh said, "If in our daily life we can smile…not only we, but everyone willprofit from it. This is the most basic kind of peace work."  Today, share a smile with at least three people, knowing that your smile contributes to peace.

Day 3 – APPRECIATION (Feb. 1)

Louise Hay says, "Praise yourself as much as you can…The love in our lives begins with us…Loving yourself will help heal this planet."  Write down 10 things that you appreciate about yourself.  Read aloud what you have written.

Day 4 – CARING (Feb. 2)

According to Peter McWilliams, "Nonviolence toward the self is caring for oneself.  It is what the Greeks call reverence for the self."  Real caring is not just what we say, but what we do.  Make a list of at least five ways that you can take better care of yourself.  Practice at least one today.

Day 5 – BELIEVING (Feb. 3)

Author Wayne Dyer writes about the impact that our beliefs have on our daily lives.  Today, believe that you have all the resources to move your life in the direction of peace.  Be aware of simple demonstrations of peaceful responses you receive.

Day 6 -- SIMPLICITY (Feb. 4)

To simplify is to invite peacefulness.  Think of three ways you can simplify your life and put at least one of them into practice today.

Day 7 – EDUCATION (Feb. 5)

Knowledge strengthens your conviction and deepens your wisdom and understanding.  Learn about the power of nonviolence by educating yourself.  Read  or  watch on a subject that relates to nonviolence. Learn about human rights, diversity, ecology, history, and politics, forgiveness, spirituality, peace studies, biographies of heroes and more.

WEEK 2 (8-14)

Personal centeredness gives us the inner peace and calm to respond to situations withnonviolent means. Building that inner center is the first act of peace making.

Day 8 – HEALING (Feb. 6)

Writer, poet, activist, and professor Maya Angelou turned a traumatic childhood experience into a catalyst for creativity and achievement.  Today, choose a painful incident in your that and find the “gift” it has given you.  Consciously share this gift with others today.

Day 9 –DREAMING (Feb. 7)

Martin Luther King, Jr. had a great dream.  What is your dream for peace?  Write it down.  What is one thing you can do to honor your dreams?  Do it today.

Day 10 – FAITH (Feb. 8)

When Cesar Chavez was organizing farm workers, he challenged them to say, "Si, se puede" (yes, it is possible) when they didn't know how they would overcome obstacles.  Today say, "yes, it is possible," even if you don't know how your goal will be realized.  Have faith, and say "it is possible” until you find, or are shown, a way.

Day 11 – CONTEMPLATION (Feb. 9)

For at least three minutes, relax, breathe, and let your mind be fed by "whatsoever is good and beautiful and just." Sacred scripture states, "as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he."

Day 12 – GROUNDEDNESS (Feb. 10)

Gandhi said, "To forget how to dig the earth and tend the soil is to forget ourselves."  And Black Elk said, "Some little root of the sacred tree still lives.  Nourish it, that it may leaf and bloom and fill with singing birds."  Today place a seed in the earth, plant a tree or nurture an open space.

Day 13 – CREATIVITY (Feb. 11)

The worst thing you can do to a human soul is to suppress its natural desire to create.  Identify at least five ways in which you express your creativity everyday.  Today, allow something unpredictable and joyous to express through you.

Day 14 – HUMILITY (Feb. 12)

Making mistakes is a part of learning and growing, simply an "error in approach."  Today, freely acknowledge at least one mistake you made today, and reflect for a couple of minutes on what you have learned.

WEEK 3 (15-21)

By practicing nonviolence with ourselves, we begin to see how it might apply toward others. Each personal practice can be turned into a practice toward another. Try it.

Day 15 – REVERENCE (Feb. 13)

Environmentalist John Muir said, "Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where Nature may heal and cheer and give strength to body and soul."  Today, go for a walk and realize the beauty around, above and below you.

Day 16 – GRATITUDE (Feb. 14)

On her show Oprah Winfrey frequently promotes the daily practice of gratitude. Begin the day by listing five things for which you are grateful and end it by sharing with one person all of the good in your life today.

Day 17 – INTEGRITY (Feb. 15)

Do the right thing. Spike Lee used these words as a title for one of his movies.  When faced with a choice today, listen to your conscience.  You know what's right.  Do it.

Day 18 – FREEDOM (Feb. 16)

Civil rights activist Diane Nash said, “Freedom, by definition, is people realizing that they are their own leaders."  Take a leadership role today in your own life.  Find one way you can be more expressive of who you truly are.

Day 19 – ACCEPTANCE (Feb. 17)

"Resentment, fear, criticism, and guilt cause more problems than anything else," says Louise Hay. Today, choose not to judge yourself (your looks, your capabilities, your expressions).  See all the ways you are unique, loving, capable and bright!

Day 20 – SELF-FORGIVENESS (Feb. 18)

When you judge yourself, you tend to believe that who you are is what you have or don't have.  Knowing that who you are is greater than all these things, today, forgive yourself for forgetting the good that is in you.

Day 21 – INSPIRATION (Feb. 19)

Think of at least two people who exemplify for you the practice of nonviolence.  What is it you admire about them?  Practice these behaviors today so that other people may be inspired.

WEEK 4 (22-28)

“The nonviolent approach does not immediately change the heart of the oppressor. It first does something to the hearts and souls of those committed to it. It gives them new self-respect; it calls up resources of strength and courage they did not know they had.”  -- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Day 22 – MISSION (Feb. 20)

"My life is my message." says Gandhi.  Write down what you want to stand for in your life.  Note at least one way you can show through action that you stand for your beliefs.  Take this action today.

Day 23 – PRAYER (Feb. 21)

"Prayer from the heart can achieve what nothing else in the world can." said Gandhi.  Begin and end the day with a prayer for peace.  Let peace begin with you.

Day 24 – HARMONY (Feb. 22)

Choosing not to engage in any form of gossip today contributes to harmony and peace in relationships. Today, choose to see the good in others rather than finding fault.

Day 25 – FRIENDLINESS (Feb. 23)

To humorist Will Rogers, strangers were simply friends he hadn't met.  View those you encounter today in that light.  Make a new acquaintance.

Day 26 – RESPECT (Feb. 24)

Gandhi taught, "Language is an exact reflection of the character and growth of its speakers.”  Today, respect yourself and others be choosing not to use any profanity or "put downs."

Day 27 – GENEROSITY (Feb. 25)

Mother Theresa said, "There is a hidden poverty more pervasive than lack of money.  It is the poverty of the heart."  Find three ways to generously give of your time, attention and resources to others.

Day 28 – LISTENING (Feb. 26)

Today, stop what you are doing and take five minutes to listen to the feelings behind someone's words to you.  Be fully present for the conversation and interested in what the person is saying.

WEEK 5 (29-35)

In order to create a peaceful world, we must learn to practice nonviolence with one another in our day-to-day interactions.

Day 29 – FORGIVENESS (Feb. 27)

When we forgive, we are free to let go of the past and move on with our lives.  We do not condone the hurtful behavior but we realize that there is something within us that is more powerful and important than this wounding experience. Today, write a letter to forgive someone.  You do not have to mail it.

Day 30 – AMENDS (Feb. 28)

Make amends today.  Apologize to someone you may have hurt and mean your apology sincerely.

Day 31 – PRAISING (March 1)

Appreciation helps people to grow and lets them know that they matter.  Offer praise to at least three people today for their personal qualities, achievements, or helpful service.

Day 32 – PATIENCE (March 2)

According to Cesar Chavez, "Nonviolence is not inaction…It is hard work…It is the patience to win." When your plans seem delayed, choose to be patient by identifying at least three ways that you can constructively use this time to support your goal.

Day 33 – ACKNOWLEDGEMENT (March 3)

Tell someone today what a difference he or she has made in your life.  Acknowledge that person for being there for you.  Make this a day when you don't take people for granted.

Day 34 – LOVE (March 4)

Gandhi wrote, "Nonviolence is based on the assumption that human nature…. unfailingly responds to the advances of love."  Today, focus on what you appreciate most about the person you like the least.

Day 35 – UNDERSTANDING (March 5)

Thich Nhat Hanh says, "When you understand, you cannot help but love…Practice looking at all living beings with the eyes of compassion."  Send a silent thought of love to ten people today.  Share your experience with someone.

WEEK 6 (36-42)

To require others to change for us to be more peaceful does violence to us both. By

choosing to be peaceful in relationship, we invite others to nonviolence in return.

Day 36 – MINDFULNESS (March 6)

If we just act in each moment, with composure and mindfulness, each minute of our life is a work of art. Be aware of the motivation behind your action, the intention behind your words, and the needs and experiences of other people.  By doing so, you are making life beautiful for others.

Day 37 – GRACIOUSNESS (March 7)

When you are out driving today, slow down, and let the other person in front of you.  Stop and let pedestrians cross the street.

Day 38 – KINDNESS (March 8)

Everyday we hear of random and senseless acts of violence.  Participate in the counter-revolution of kindness started by Anne Herbert.  Perform three random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty.

Day 39 – DIALOGUE (March 9)

Marianne Williamson describes a healthy society as one in which "those who disagree can do so with honor and respect for other people's opinions, and an appreciation for our shared humanity."  In the Desiderata by Max Ehrmann, he says, "Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others."  Today, speak up but do not enter into the spirit of argument.

Day 40 – UNITY (March 10)

Differences give variety to life and are often only on the surface anyway.  Today, look for three ways to see beyond outer differences in opinions, appearances, or goals.  Find the meeting point of underlyingunity that exists in diversity.

Day 41 – OPENNESS (March 11)

A Turkish proverb says, "He who builds himself a fence, fences out more than he fences in."  Today, be open to understanding ideas and people that you have previously opposed.

Day 42 – ACCOUNTABILITY (March 12)

In conflicting situations, personal accountability allows us to take responsibility for how we contribute to the conflict.  Today, take responsibility for how you contribute to a conflict and make a different choice that can lead to a peaceful resolution.

WEEK 7 (43-49)

Relationships based on nonviolence are built on the ability to see and understand another human being, whether or not we agree. Seeing people from our common ground gives us practice for bringing nonviolent actions, choices and behaviors into our communal life.

Day 43 – UNIQUENESS (March 13)

Dale Carnegie says that the greatest need people have is for love and approval.  Praise, compliment, and honor the uniqueness of at least five people today.  Notice the positive impact you make by valuing the individuality of each one.

Day 44 – COOPERATION (March 14)

When we work together, we are stronger that when we work alone.  Today, find one significant way your can cooperate more effectively with the people in your family or workplace, school or community. Do it.

Day 45—MASTERY (March 15)

Labor organizer Cesar Chavez teaches, "If you use violence, you have to sell part of yourself for that violence. Then you are no longer a master of your own struggle."  Breathe deeply, silently counting backwards from ten to calm yourself and cool off before your speak or act with impatience or anger.  Do this at least once today.

Day 46 – COMPASSION (March 16)

Mother Theresa implored us to "find someone who thinks he is alone and let him know that he is not." Today, do as Mother Theresa suggests.

Day 47 – DISARMAMENT (March 17)

Have a conversation with someone today about what the world would be like if there were no weapons nor any need for them.  Imagine such a world.

Day 48 – ECOLOGY (March 18)

Value the earth by conserving natural resources and avoiding the purchase of products that deplete the rain forests or exploit labor forces.  Practice recycling today by using at least one recycled product or by recycling something.

Day 49 – HONOR (March 19)

Albert Einstein said, "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is."  Before each meal today, stop and honor all the hands that brought it to you and to bless the earth for its bounty.

WEEK 8 (50-56)

Nonviolence challenges us to stand for Truth by taking action that honors the dignity and worth of every human being.

Day 50 – CHOICE (March 20)

Be aware today of any jokes or remarks that show disrespect toward ethnic groups, women or men, classes of people, religious groups, gays or lesbians.  Be considerate of every person's dignity and choose not to participate in disrespectful conversation.

Day 51 – ADVOCACY (March 21)

"When someone stands up to nonviolence," says Thich Nhat Hanh, "a force for change is released.  Every action for peace requires someone to exhibit the courage to challenge violence and inspire love."  Today be an ally. Without blaming or judging others, speak out for those who are disrespected.

Day 52 – EQUALITY (March 22)

Have you ever noticed the groups of people who are under represented in your activities and lifestyle?  Find one way to connect with a person from these groups today.

Day 53 – ACTION (March 23)

"Each of us can work to change a small portion of events and in the total of all those acts will be written the history of this generation," said Robert Kennedy.  Today, find a way to make one, small change that will contribute to the well-being of your home, school, workplace or community.

Day 54 – GIVING (March 24)

Practice generosity by sharing time, energy, and material resources with those in need.  Clean out your closet, bureau drawers, or garage.  Are there things you aren't using that might be of value to someone else?  Today, give away what you are no longer using.

Day 55 – RESPONSIBILITY (March 25)

The quality of your community starts with you.  Take responsibility for the quality of your community wherever you are.  Today, pick up trash that is not your own, whether at home, at the office or on the street.  Every little bit helps.

Day 56 – SELF-SUFFICIENCY (March 26)

People need the dignity of work and the opportunity to provide for themselves and their families. Economic self-sufficiency is a requirement for a nonviolent world.  Today, create a job for someone or help someone to find employment (for example, help them with a resume or application, help them make phone calls, dress appropriately, or practice interviewing).

WEEK 9 (57-63)

Nonviolence challenges us to stand for Truth by taking action that honors the dignity andworth of every human being.

Day 57 – SERVICE (March 27)

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, "Everybody can be great…because anybody can serve. You only need a heart full of grace and a soul generated by love."  Sign up to volunteer a minimum of two hours this month with an organization of your choice.  

Day 58 – CITIZENSHIIP (March 28)

Robert Muller, former assistant secretary general to the UN, urges, "use every letter you write, every conversation you have, every meeting you attend, to express your most important beliefs and dreams.”  Today call or write one of your legislators and register your views.

Day 59 – INTERVENTION (March 29)

Alcohol and drug abuse is both a consequence and a cause of violence.  Today have the courage to intervene in a caring way.  Through your honest and straightforward communication, encourage yourself and others to get educated, get help, and get sober and free from drugs.

Day 60 – WITNESSING (March 30)

"We are each other's bond," writes poet Gwendolyn Brooks. Those who practice nonviolence cannot close their eyes to injustice or cruelty.  We are here to be a witness for justice and compassion.  Today, be willing to stand up for Truth by your presence, your words and actions.

Day 61 – PEACE (March 31)

Thich Nhat Hanh wrote, "Practice watering seeds of joy and peace and not just seeds of anger and violence, and the elements of war in all of us will be transformed."  Today, make a choice to meet each experience with an intention for peace.

Day 62 – COMMITMENT (April 1)

Spend five minutes reflecting on your commitment to non- violence.  Write down what it means to you and what you are willing to do as a consequence of your commitment to it. Make your commitment public by sharing it with at least 2 people.

Day 63 – RELEASE (April 2)

A Sufi proverb says, "When the heart weeps for what it has lost, the spirit laughs for what it has found." Today look at how far you have come during this 64 day journey.  Release the weight of your past, judgments of yourself and others, and the idea that world peace is not possible by acknowledging that you do make a difference.

WEEK 10 

“Nonviolence should mean a complete freedom from ill-will, anger and hate and an

overflowing love for all …. The nonviolence I teach is active nonviolence of the strongest. But the weakest can partake in it without becoming weaker.” – Mohandas K. Ghandi

Days 64 and 65 – CELEBRATION (April 3 and 4)

Today, rejoice in the work that you have done. Celebrate the journey that you have made with countless others who believe that every  individual can move the world in the direction of peace with their nonviolent choice and action.  

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world.  Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."     -Margaret Mead.