Mindfulness

I spent the last year in grad school learning about self care, meditation, and mindfulness. I have always found these topics to be fascinating especially around the mind/body connection. One thing we learned was mindfulness when doing the dishes, driving, answering the telephone, taking a walk...just being present and not preoccupied with other things, thoughts, or distractions.

One thing we did not discuss is having mindfulness in times of distress. None of the above are distressing events, but experiencing my anxious yellow lab having diarrhea in the backseat of my car, all over his chocolate lab brother and my fabric car seats, as I went through Eisenhower tunnel today was not something I learned about in class with regards to mindfulness.

Let me back up and explain. Preparing to move has taken over my life since graduation and my job offer. I am completely and totally excited about it, and quite frankly wish I could say "Beam me up Scotty" and my house, along with everything in it, would be taken someplace I could access at a later date. But, no. I have to pack, put the house on the market, be out of it for showings, make decisions about who I will sign a contract with, and prepare for a new job in a new town. All by myself. Me, myself, and I. Now, I have had some help-Liz with the crawl space and respite at Mom and Dad's yesterday with the dogs for 5 hours while the house was being shown-but most everything is being done by me.

Foresight is a hard thing to come across when selling a house. I invited my folks up to Dillon for a night with the dogs and me tonight because I wanted to A) Spend time with them, B) Enjoy 80 degree weather instead of 90 and C) Be gone while the house was being shown. Little did I know that once the house was on the market (Monday) and showings were scheduled ASAP (Tuesday) that I would have to be out of the house most of the day Tuesday with my anxious, large, overzealous, totally loving, awkward, 90 lb labs.

It was all too much for Stan. After 11 years of knowing him, I am finally understanding him. He thrives on consistency and predictability. Otherwise, he goes nuts, or as Oprah would put it, "Becomes out of alignment with the universe." Thus, ever since I have been getting ready to put the house on the market (cleaning, packing, having people over here and there) he has been off kilter. Hence, the diarrhea in the car today. I think all he wanted was to get "back to normal." Sorry, big guy, we aren't going to see normal for a while.

Which leads me to say that I have a lot to learn about mindfulness. Because, after weeks of packing and sleepless nights I was hoping for one night of respite. And I didn't get it. Instead of being mindful, and taking a "Que Sera Sera" approach, I yelled, slammed things down, cursed, and wished for a martini at 3pm-and I don't even drink martini's. My parents were patient and understanding as I pulled up to the hotel in Dillon where we were staying after calling to say that Stan pooped the car and we have to turn around and go home. This trip to Dillon was my idea, so I was feeling like I let everyone down. Needless to say, we came home, I turned the hose on the boys to their utter dismay, hand vacuumed and shampooed the car (I will get it professionally cleaned as well, in case you, the reader, is to ever ride in the back), I ordered Indian food, and we all settled in for the night in front of Master Chef on television.

After our unexpected day, the most poignant was as I was watching TV, Stan came over to me to lay down. He was still wet from the bath, and I had the AC on, so he was probably cold. I put a blanket on him and pet him as we sat together. And I thought, "I have had upset stomachs before...I have had to ask (or plead) family or friends pull into a gas station so I could use the bathroom. He tried to tell me, but he couldn't, what he needed. He and I are not that much different." It was endearing, and it got me to realize that maybe mindfulness can happen later, after the disappointment, frustration, anger...maybe mindfulness can happen in retrospect once I can appreciate the situation for what it is...Life.

As I have told Meg, "What I don't like about life, I love about life." That unpredictability could lead to your dog with diarrhea in the car, or a beautiful night in Dillon looking up as the stars shimmer over the reservoir. The most important thing is that I am here to experience it, whatever turn it takes.