Point, Counterpoint, Triggers

I had never heard of the word "trigger" before. I have recently become aware of this word and its meaning since starting social work school. A trigger in some regards can be something that reminds us of a good or bad experience in our lives. Triggers are around all the time...some more prevalent than others. What is important about triggers is that they bring up a feeling or make us react in a certain way. That is why they are called triggers. Consider the trigger on a gun. Your finger can linger there and let whatever is bothering you fester and then go away...or you could snap and pull it, with consequences you weren't sure of to begin with.

I had a trigger today and I didn't pull it back nor did I let it go...I just let it be. I went to mall and was enticed by the thought of hot chocolate during our cold spell. I went to Godiva because, quite frankly, if you are going to have hot coco that is the place you want to visit. As the guy behind the counter was ringing me up, he asked for my email address. I gave him my Regis address (where all the spam goes). As he typed, he asked me..."Is it under Michael?" I looked at him hesitantly and I said, "Yes, it is under Michael, he is now deceased, but he bought me Godiva hot coco every year and I just love it and its time to buy more..." The poor guy behind the counter. He looked slightly miserable. "I am so sorry," he said. He put the hot chocolate can in a bag and refused for me to leave before I picked a free truffle off the bottom shelf. Reluctantly (smile) I obliged and picked a hazelnut chocolate something and was on my way.

I stopped walking so fast, letting in what I was feeling. Every year, Mike proudly gave me Godiva hot chocolate for Christmas. It was our go to drink in the winter evenings, or if neither of us could sleep, or if I just wanted a small sweet treat. It was a special gift. Something he knew about me that no one else did. Something that meant the world to him when he went to purchase it. I kept walking, and I kept feeling stronger, and I kept knowing that Mike led me to that Godiva shop...that I don't need him to be alive for me to have this joy in my life...that I could actually enjoy this hot chocolate and have positive memories...the trigger became a good thing.

I have had a lot of good triggers lateley...Reconnecting with an old friend and feeling like that connection was never lost to begin with...the fall weather leading to trees changing that make me want to create my nest...the "how to" write a research paper when I thought all was forgotten...lots of good triggers and yes...even that darn hot chocolate was a good trigger.

To end the evening, do you know what I did? I walked into Tiffany and CO. It is not a store I ever shop in, nor should a social worker be shopping there. But there is this bracelet...THE Tiffany bracelet...with the clasp and the heart...and I have been wanting it for years...and I realized no one will buy it for me...and I bought it. And I justified it by...trigger: Missing Mike but knowing there are so many other bessings in my life. Point: Be happy and a spontaneous. Counterpoint: Be a little reckless. And I combined them...I became happy when I bought something I have wanted for years...I have been happy without it all this time so I will be happy with it...If Mike knew I wanted this (as much as the Godiva hot chocolate) it would have been under the Christmas tree this year.