It is done!

Yesterday, I closed on the condo! It has been a week of a few nightmares. The first hovered around wiring the money from my savings account. That dream was very odd, something about a guy who broke into my car, stole my purse and my credit/debit cards. The second dream was around the closing itself. During the walk through, I found the past owner not having moved out yet, she was a gal I knew from graduate school, she had the dishwasher removed, and she was crying as I was yelling at her about the dishwasher.

Thankfully, all went well, the money got to the title company, the woman who previously owned the place had everything out and left it all in decent shape, and she was not someone I knew. Yesterday I took Mom and Dad there to see it; this morning, I showed my friend Kristin. Tomorrow my brother will help me take a bunch of stuff from Mom and Dad's over there, and I have employed him to check the smoke alarms and help me move a curtain because the ceilings are so high. Friday I get the small bedroom carpet cleaned, Mom and I are cleaning the place, and I am getting my new dining room table delivered. Saturday is moving day, and then slowly next week getting everything into place.

I am just so thrilled! I love the place, I love the Lowry area, I love my underground parking space (no snow to brush off!) and I can't wait to make it all my own. I decided, though, rather than an open house party I will have various friends over for the months of January and February. Parties are fun, but I get so overwhelmed I can never talk to people for a long time. So, look for your invitation to dinner or appetizers sometime soon!

My "10 Before 40" Bucket List

I have been giving thought to how I think 2015 will be my year. I feel it right down into the marrow of my bones. There are a few things that haven't been settled, like the whole "get a job" thing and moving into the condo. Otherwise, I really do feel 2015 will be that year I look upon at its end thinking, "This was a really great year!"

2014 wasn't so bad, actually. Living in Montrose and working in rural hospice social work was life changing. In Montrose, I learned how to be alone without being lonely. I saw baby calves and sheep being born. I experienced the most wonderful night skies and sunrises to write home about. I wrote letters, I created artistic work, I explored places I have never been, I put 40,000 miles on my new car, I cooked up a storm, and I learned the significance that family and friends have in my life. I also was honored to be a small part of people's end of life journeys which is something I will always treasure.

I realized the other day, though, that 2015 actually hovers on another significant time...that it is my last year of being in my 30's. I will be 39 on February 11th and then I enter a whole new age bracket. I know some people don't really look at age to be significant but in a way I do. As time marches on and I am still blessed to be on this earth, age is something I do think about. I am already planning my 40th-plans range from a Viking river cruise in Europe, to a weekend spa at Camelback Resort in Arizona, to a weekend at the Glenwood Springs pool under a rented cabana (any of which will be determined by whether those nearest and dearest can join me). However, as Meg and I discussed tonight, I tend to fare better when I live in routine and structure. I tried for a long time to just be one of those "go with the flow" people but I do have a pretty strong comfort zone I like quite a bit. So, in the spirit of structure and routine, I believe goal-setting is key. Thus I have come up with my "10 Before 40" bucket list. All items are tangible and appear to be something I can work toward. Note: Skydiving is not on the list. I am waiting until my 90th birthday much like President Bush Sr. I will keep you updated on my status of checking off items from this list!

1. Train for and Hike one 14er…even if it is one of the easiest
2. Go backpacking/camping at least once
3. See one really great band in concert (by "really great" I mean Coldplay, or The Eagles, or U2, or Taylor Swift, or anyone like that)
4. Go to the ocean again, get my feet in sand
5. Write and illustrate the first book of my children’s book series “Hugs and the Friends” about a little white bear who takes on the world with his friends (yes, this is something I have wanted to do for a while now)
6. Find a job that I can’t wait to get up for in the morning
7. Find that perfect dog just waiting for me to take him or her home
8. Get a 3 speed bike and ride along the Crystal River, from Carbondale to Redstone
9. Go on a guided weekend retreat
10. Learn how to perfectly roast a whole chicken

Merry Christmas!

We had a lovely couple of days. Christmas Eve we had snacks mid-afternoon, went to church at 6pm and then ate dinner here at home. Today was us being all snuggled in...we ate a delicious breakfast of steak, eggs and coffee cake, opened presents, watched A Christmas Story a few times, and ate a dinner of ham, scalloped potatoes, salad and a fruit tort for dessert. Santa brought the family a bingo set, so we played a few rounds (for just a little bit of money). Merry Christmas from us to you!

Looking Back

This Monday night, Colorado Public Television is broadcasting a documentary called Neal Cassady: The Denver Years. I can’t wait to learn more about this enigmatic person. I watched The Magic Trip: Ken Kesey’s Search for a Kool Place and saw Neal Cassady in action. Other than that, what I know about him comes from Kerouac’s take on Neal via the character Dean Moriarty in On the Road. I am intrigued by Neal’s life on the Denver Streets during the Great Depression and how his life was shaped as he grew up.

I got to thinking about the Denver Years in my life. I am not an enigmatic figure, nor famous, nor anything like that, but it has been fun to think about the places that shaped me growing up in Denver.  Here are my top 5:

   Café Euphrates: This was my all time favorite hangout, as coffee shops often were. This one was located on the part of 17^th street where, at that time, one wouldn’t be walking around alone at night, but now is home to the hip Uptown neighborhood. Café Euphrates had one consistent thing that brought us back time and again which was live music. Bands I knew played there, and good friends put on shows there.  Always endless amounts of caffeine and cigarette smoke in the air; these cheap, uncomfortable pleather couches and a ton of spider and palm plants all around; always good friends and a lot of laughter.

    Flossy McGrews on Broadway: Oh Flossy’s! Countless hours were spent wandering the thrift shop. I loved wearing vintage clothes, anything hippie hand me downs during my high school years. Anything reminiscent of what maybe Janis Joplin would wear, long skirts, puffed up blouses, long earrings. Flossy’s had it all and we had so much fun making a day of it there.

    Cherry Creek Mall: Still standing and ever so popular, Cherry Creek Mall was where my friends visited me when I worked at KB Toy store in high school. I remember my boss at the time, whose picture is under the word Curmudgeon in the dictionary, would hide out across the mall and watch as my friends would come in the store. He would then come over and say “Gotcha” thinking they were shoplifting or something, when all they were doing was coming by and saying hi. Needless to say he isolated a large population of teenagers who would have bought items in that store. Cherry Creek Mall was where we went on a snow day from school, or to see movies, or to hang out at restaurants like The Spinnaker, and Around the Corner, locations that didn’t mind teenagers camping out for hours.

   St. Mark’s Coffeehouse: St. Mark’s used to be on 14^th and Market in a grungy building. It had grungy floors and an even grungier staff. Let’s just say “the Grunge” was where it was at in the 1990’s-flannel shirts, Doc Martins, and endless cups of coffee at grungy coffeehouses. I spent a good part of my college days doing homework in that coffee shop. Now it is located on 17^th avenue in the hip Uptown neighborhood where one can choose from a selection of herbal teas, wine, microbrews, pastries, and sit for hours on their laptop computers. Kind of the same, but not quite, as anything reminiscent of the 90’s these days now lack the overhanging of cigarette smoke.

   Charlie Brown’s/The Colburn Hotel: Charlie Brown’s was my college days’ bar. Anytime anyone wanted to meet up anywhere, Charlie Brown’s was the place to go. We listened to the piano music played by the same guy every night and I wish I could remember his name! Charlie Brown’s was Mike and my first kiss on New Year’s Eve 1998 at midnight.

I am sure I can think of a lot more hangouts, some like Washington Park remain the same in my life, and others like that old “head” shop in Englewood where my tastes have outgrown much of the hippie attire. I think we all need memories like these to connect us to the fabric of what shaped us over our lives. Recently I sorted through things from high school that Mom has been keeping for me and found two of my old records that I just loved: the Grateful Dead's Wake of the Flood and Simon and Garfunkel Best of. Listening to those records brought me great joy as I reflected on what has shaped me as a person. I look forward to watching many of the places that shaped Neal Cassady's life when I watch the documentary, tragic in its ending but certainly of note while he was living.

Back to square one...for real this time

I feel like the past few years my name and the word CHANGE go hand-in-hand. I got my MSW degree, I moved for a year for one job, moved back and took another. Now change looms again as I resigned from my new job where I worked one month. Something it has taken me a while to realize is that I do not need to work a standard 8-5 Monday through Friday job. Not that there is anything wrong with that kind of schedule, but I am in the position to be able to be creative with my work/life balance. The job itself was pretty good, but I have finally realized I crave flexibility, creativity, and doing work where there is a positive energy of success. I am not quite sure what all that looks like, put together, so for now I am going to focus on the holidays, get moved into my new condo, get settled there, and then begin the search again.

This time, though, it feels different. Maybe I needed to come to terms with the fact that sometimes I make decisions out of fear and not joy, which negative effects begin to show early on. Like, when I spend more time talking to friends and family about what I don't like about a job rather than what I do like; I wake up in the wee hours of the morning dreading the stress the day will bring; or where a lunch break consists of walking to the break room, microwaving some soup, and then eating at my desk. The fear story I have in my head is, "Melanie, everyone does this, you have to as well." And I really don't. So, that is that.

My plan is to read some career books-Robert sent me a great PDF called The Rat Race Rebellion about a values based job hunt. I also am considering doing some part time work and then maybe trying to volunteer a little more, such as in hospice doing bereavement service support. I just need to really think things through, and instead of telling myself things are one way, I need to sit in the silence and see how it feels before making a decision.

So, I am back to being at home, which admittedly is very nice. I finished my Christmas shopping today and am going to make dinner for the folks tonight. Tomorrow Mom and I will go the YMCA to work out and then head to Hobby Lobby to buy more Christmas wrapping. The next two weeks will fly by and then I close on my condo, which will be a wonderful beginning chapter of the next phase of life. I just need to get through the prologue, introduction and other chapters before reading the final one! "Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I'll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about." (Rumi)

You had me at the kitchen

I haven't written about my house hunting because, well, it seemed a tad exhausting. I didn't really know what I wanted, my real estate agent wasn't really all that helpful, and I ended up getting excited about properties that needed new shingles, new gutters, and entirely new garages. After a home inspection where my real estate guy told me countless times he "had a guy for that" for the countless things that needed to be fixed in the home, I decided it was time to take another tactic.

I always feel that shifting the energy when things aren't feeling right is the way to go. I don't always practice that, I often fall into complacency or "I guess that is the way it is" kind of mentality...but just a small energetic shift can really altar your reality. So, I decided to change search criteria from "detached home" and "town home" to include condos.

Now, I don't consider myself a particularly prejudice person against buildings with space for many people inside, but I always picture condos as those re-done apartment buildings in Capital Hill. Those buildings that went from "apartment" to "condo" overnight and the cost went from $700/month to $200,000 purchase price.

However, after many online searches and some in person showings of houses and townhomes that never made it near making the cut, I decided to expand the search, expand the energy, to condos.

And I found her. Here she is: 8165 E Lowry Blvd #107

She is a real beauty. She was built in 2007 so everything is relatively updated. Today we got an almost perfect inspection. On December 30th, keys are given in exchange for the wired funds or cashier check. And then she is all mine.

I love the Lowry neighborhood. Mike and I wanted to live there but we couldn't afford what we wanted. The shops are really fun, there are a number of good quality restaurants, a lot of walking trails, a dog park nearby (Dogs are welcome in my building, of course, I had to make sure of that!), and it is close to work, my family, visits to Fairmount Cemetery (yes, only I get excited about being near the Cemetery) and friends.

Did I mention that this condo had me at the kitchen?

I have been searching for a while to finally, once again, feel like I am home. Actually I can pinpoint the time: December of 2008, when Mike met me at the Cherry Creek Mall Mac store to buy our first Mac computer as our collective present, and he looked green and gray and was on the verge of all health hell breaking loose, and I didn't say anything because it was Christmas and all...I finally, now, once again, after over 5 years of trying to feel it, feel like I have really found my home.

And it feels so, so good.