I feel like the past few years my name and the word CHANGE go hand-in-hand. I got my MSW degree, I moved for a year for one job, moved back and took another. Now change looms again as I resigned from my new job where I worked one month. Something it has taken me a while to realize is that I do not need to work a standard 8-5 Monday through Friday job. Not that there is anything wrong with that kind of schedule, but I am in the position to be able to be creative with my work/life balance. The job itself was pretty good, but I have finally realized I crave flexibility, creativity, and doing work where there is a positive energy of success. I am not quite sure what all that looks like, put together, so for now I am going to focus on the holidays, get moved into my new condo, get settled there, and then begin the search again.
This time, though, it feels different. Maybe I needed to come to terms with the fact that sometimes I make decisions out of fear and not joy, which negative effects begin to show early on. Like, when I spend more time talking to friends and family about what I don't like about a job rather than what I do like; I wake up in the wee hours of the morning dreading the stress the day will bring; or where a lunch break consists of walking to the break room, microwaving some soup, and then eating at my desk. The fear story I have in my head is, "Melanie, everyone does this, you have to as well." And I really don't. So, that is that.
My plan is to read some career books-Robert sent me a great PDF called The Rat Race Rebellion about a values based job hunt. I also am considering doing some part time work and then maybe trying to volunteer a little more, such as in hospice doing bereavement service support. I just need to really think things through, and instead of telling myself things are one way, I need to sit in the silence and see how it feels before making a decision.
So, I am back to being at home, which admittedly is very nice. I finished my Christmas shopping today and am going to make dinner for the folks tonight. Tomorrow Mom and I will go the YMCA to work out and then head to Hobby Lobby to buy more Christmas wrapping. The next two weeks will fly by and then I close on my condo, which will be a wonderful beginning chapter of the next phase of life. I just need to get through the prologue, introduction and other chapters before reading the final one! "Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I'll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about." (Rumi)
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