How to Stop a Labrador Retriever's Wagging Tail...

...Does anyone know? Or is like taking hand gestures or the voice box away from a human?

I got home today and noticed in my back porch room blood splattered everywhere. Upon investigation, Chester's tail was bleeding. He was still so excited I couldn't get him to stop wagging and moving, so hence blood in the office and kitchen. Needless to say I am taking a break from the lovely chore of wiping up blood off walls.

Chester, how old are you really? Almost 8 or are you going to be 2 forever? Where is that mellow, old man lab I have heard about but don't think I will get for yet another 7 years?

The Help and Other Books that Make Us Think

I just finished reading The Help by Kathryn Stockett. Literally, I just finished the book a few minutes ago. My friend Liz gave it to me months ago. I am a book cover person, and this book cover looked more like a book I would read at a beach than seriously read and comprehend. I started hearing more and more about it, and it became the book club choice of two bookclubs. So, I thought I should read it. It is the reason I go to bed at 7pm and not fall asleep until midnight. Let me tell you...it is more than just a good read. It is a must for your personal library. I felt the same about this book as I did Margaret Atwood's The Handmaid's Tale.

The questions that arise when reading this book are: what can be taken away from me? How can one person change how others think of me, and impact my own thoughts of myself as a human being? Who in our society today do we equate to The Help of this novel? Cheers to Kathryn Stockett, a new novelist who made human the people our society de-humanized. Hopefully lessons will be learned from this book about humanity. How good it is, no matter how different from you a person or group of people may be.

I spent the day decompressing. It felt so good. I took a long walk with the dogs, put my pajamas on and laid in bed to read all day. I got up to go to dinner with Robert and Kendra at Mead St. Station and then back home to finish the book. It was a pampering sort of day. I will look forward to more of those to come, especially if I am being introduced to some really good books!

Christmas Past, Present and Future

Each year, we would begin Christmas with a card. We would wake up early, make the coffee, and in our jammies make sure the dogs got their stockings first. Then, we would swap cards. I found two packed in my Christmas miscellany this year. One verse was written, " Melanie, I'm so glad we found each other and that we're sharing our lives together. Merry Christmas, Mike." The other card said, "Melanie, Merry Christmas! I am so glad I get to share this with you. Love, Mike." I put these two cards in my card basket this year, as though Mike gave them to me all over again. There was always something special about the cards. He always picked the perfect verse-each card spoke to who we were as a couple. My favorite was of the couple on the scooter with presents in a basket in the back. I saw us as that couple on the scooter, darting around here and there and having fun doing it.

This year, Christmas was my milestone, and I made it. To top it off, it was actually very pleasant. Good friends and neighbors dropped off Christmas presents. I spent some very quality time with my family. I spent a few hours on phone calls with friends making sure I was doing okay. I got to make a killer meal that nourished my soul and fed my family well. I laughed and felt light-hearted as I listened to David Sedaris telling his story of being a Macy's elf on NPR. Chester and Stanley had one too many chews, and Stan wholeheartedly ripped the tail off his beanie baby squirrel ("Ok Stan, that is enough" as I pulled the toy away). It was a much better day than I anticipated.

I drove to the cemetery and spent a few minutes at Mike's headstone. I made a vow that I am going to use his memory as a push forward, as an inspiration, as the strength I need to keep going, and not use his memory to hold me back. It is like the momentum of that couple on the scooter on the card Mike gave me-propelling me forward and not holding me back. So, perhaps I didn't spend time this morning opening a Christmas card from Mike, but I reflected on how that past Christmas card might be a symbol for my future. So in a way, I did open a little package from him; it was just a little more unconventional than the paper card in a paper envelope. Mike never did always play by the rules.

Merry Christmas

Tomorrow it is Christmas, and Chester, Stanley and I wish you all the very best for the holiday and the upcoming year.

Zumba and Other Treats

I took my first Zumba class tonight. I was impressed with myself for a variety of reasons. First, this class was out in Broomfield, which is at least 30 minutes away. Also, it is held at 5pm on Sunday night, which is something where I need a little poking and prodding. Finally, it was a commitment, which I have a hard time with sometimes. But I did it. My friend Karen works for the City and County of Broomfield. She told me about this class and we committed to it. I also brought a Regis friend along, one who is just as uncoordinated as I in the dance department. As class was wrapping up, I actually committed to going back. And, maybe finding another Zumba class during the week. It must have been a success.

A success for a variety of reasons. I felt alive. I was moving, sweating, dancing, working out...My body did movements that it hasn't done in years. I felt free, I didn't care if I looked funny or uncoordinated. It was fun. And I was bummed when it was over.

Zumba is on my list for what will make the 2010 Melanie year great. As will be Jazzercise-I have wanted to try it and I think it is similar to Zumba. I just want to feel good, free, happy...so hopefully these commitments will help me be that way. I also had a fabulous weekend where I slept a lot and read. I am reading The Help and the story is one of those that is hard to put down. I crawled into bed the past few nights at 7:30 and just read. Such a treat. I napped and read throughout the weekend, another treat. The best treat of all was seeing Mike's headstone at Fairmount today. I went to the cemetery just because it had been awhile and lo and behold his stone was up. I was surprised because if I knew I would have brought ornaments to decorate the tree nearby and a wreath...but I was happy to see it there. It looks nice, and now the people running along the highline will see me standing in front of a stone and not an empty space. Really, this is a new milestone in my grief process. I have hope that this is a symbol for a good 2010.

Side note: RIP Brittany Murphy, a young actress whose death reminds us all to live each day as if it is our last, as it truly can be.

I heart my bookclub

Every December, my bookclub scraps the monthly book and socialize instead. One year we went to Lola; last year Wash Park Grill. This year I invited everyone over to my house. Earlier in the season I wondered if I would put up a Christmas tree and I decided if I hosted the event I would. I asked the ladies to bring an ornament to adorn the tree. Almost everyone was able to come, which makes for a cozy night in my teeny house. The boys were barricaded in the back so they didn't annoy us all night. We ate, drank, talked, laughed and everyone put an ornament on my tree. I couldn't ask for a better way to celebrate the holidays with my favorite group of women.

I am looking forward to the next two weeks with two long weekends. Work has been disappointing lately. Our entire Advising department was demoted from Faculty to Staff rank with paycuts and a new reporting structure. I escaped the Marketing Dept two years ago and now have to work for that department again. Morale is low at best, and now I feel thrust in some forced decision making. I miss Mike the most during this time. He would always help me sort through things. He would make me feel better, calm the waters, and give me time and space to decide what to do. At this point I am just going to see what happens...maybe it won't be too bad. I know I will also need to start considering other options.

On a lighter note, I went to Blossoms of Light on Wednesday night with some friends and had a blast. I highly recommend it and getting the 3-D glasses! Get the snowflake or the snowman.

Off to enjoy a weekend where relaxation is my #1 priority!

The end of the year

I taught my final class tonight and am glad it is over. I loved the students and I think the course went well-I am just tired of lugging numerous bags to work on Thursdays full of papers, books, reference materials, assignments, folders...you name it and I am carrying it. I get too scattered when I have to lug so much around. Last night I thought I left my purse at Whole Foods. I called, no one had seen it. I looked in my car, on the floor, in nooks and crannies. Finally, I found it buried under one of the many bags I lug to work (it is a small purse). I know when I can't find my purse things are getting out of control.

I am focusing on getting through Christmas and New Year's. Honestly, I would give anything to sit on the beach until January 2nd (probably also to escape our freezing weather). No, really-I am looking forward to spending time with family and friends these next two weeks. It will be good. I am even cooking Christmas dinner, which makes me happy. But come January, I must warn you all-I will be in Find Myself mode. Truly. I will be taking classes, meditating, running, and maybe going on that beach vacation!

Dinner and a movie

On the menu: Homemade cream of tomato soup, caesar salad, potato stacks, and mulled wine.
The guests: Mom and dad.
After: The Motorcycle Diaries.
A good evening indeed!