Christmas Past, Present and Future

Each year, we would begin Christmas with a card. We would wake up early, make the coffee, and in our jammies make sure the dogs got their stockings first. Then, we would swap cards. I found two packed in my Christmas miscellany this year. One verse was written, " Melanie, I'm so glad we found each other and that we're sharing our lives together. Merry Christmas, Mike." The other card said, "Melanie, Merry Christmas! I am so glad I get to share this with you. Love, Mike." I put these two cards in my card basket this year, as though Mike gave them to me all over again. There was always something special about the cards. He always picked the perfect verse-each card spoke to who we were as a couple. My favorite was of the couple on the scooter with presents in a basket in the back. I saw us as that couple on the scooter, darting around here and there and having fun doing it.

This year, Christmas was my milestone, and I made it. To top it off, it was actually very pleasant. Good friends and neighbors dropped off Christmas presents. I spent some very quality time with my family. I spent a few hours on phone calls with friends making sure I was doing okay. I got to make a killer meal that nourished my soul and fed my family well. I laughed and felt light-hearted as I listened to David Sedaris telling his story of being a Macy's elf on NPR. Chester and Stanley had one too many chews, and Stan wholeheartedly ripped the tail off his beanie baby squirrel ("Ok Stan, that is enough" as I pulled the toy away). It was a much better day than I anticipated.

I drove to the cemetery and spent a few minutes at Mike's headstone. I made a vow that I am going to use his memory as a push forward, as an inspiration, as the strength I need to keep going, and not use his memory to hold me back. It is like the momentum of that couple on the scooter on the card Mike gave me-propelling me forward and not holding me back. So, perhaps I didn't spend time this morning opening a Christmas card from Mike, but I reflected on how that past Christmas card might be a symbol for my future. So in a way, I did open a little package from him; it was just a little more unconventional than the paper card in a paper envelope. Mike never did always play by the rules.