Romeo, Romeo...

The weather is finally co-operating with the summer pleasure of sitting on the patio or porch and enjoying a morning cup of coffee or an evening glass of wine. This is my first year of such a pleasure on a balcony. When I lived on Clarkson Street I had that nice landscaped yard; in Montrose I had the front porch with the views of the Cimarron's; and in Lowry I have a balcony with a view of trees, buildings, the parking area, and an expansive sky. I didn't sink too much money into decorating the outdoor space this year, wanting to see how it all functions before going too crazy with furniture, or a grill, or a ton of plants. It gets hot and sunny in the morning (welcome, Sun, coming through my curtains at 6am!) and then cool and shady later in the day. I bought some pre-planted pots of geraniums and they have been hanging in there since May. It is a nice little spot for some R&R and I look forward to lots of time spent outside!

Three creatures enjoy the balcony…a garden gnome, an elephant watering can, and a greyhound!

A grief group, a crappy parking lot, and a greyhound who gives a really cold shoulder

Lately, I have been on edge.

Living in Denver has made me feel a little claustrophobic. I listen to news stories about the saturated real estate market, I work at a homeless shelter where I field dozens of calls about shelter and housing (none of which is available), I sit in a lot of traffic, I try to park for festivals or farmer's markets and am lucky to get within a mile, I try to get a bagel and cream cheese on a Saturday morning only to face long, long lines…

Lately, my patience has been thin and things seem out of my control.

It is exactly this sentiment that has led to things being out of control. Something I have learned in my spiritual quest is...that with which I struggle will continue to manifest itself so that I learn from it. And, events in life being outside of my control is something I struggle with. I want things to go my way, always, and when they don't I kinda lose my mind.

And, that lesson, once again, decided to meet me on my "two roads diverged in a wood" path. I left for the final grief group I have been running this past month around 4:45pm. As I hit Quebec and Alameda, the rain started, the sky darkened, and the wind picked up. As I kept driving toward Leetsdale the rain turned to hail, the roads started flooding, and I was hoping I was following tail lights okay in the dark of it all. I called Mom and Dad, screaming into the phone because I couldn't hear over the hail, "What should I do?? Should I keep driving, or pull over??" Dad confidently said, "Pull over, but in a safe spot. Don't park under a tree." So, I pulled over into a parking lot behind a building the next chance I had.

The hail blasted my car for another 15 minutes. Dad would text me any tornado warning updates. I texted my grief group co-faciliator that I couldn't make it, and to just run the group without me. I let the gravity of the situation in, knowing this was one of those make it, or break it, situations. I already had to let my grief group go…the group I have cultivated over the past 6 months, the group that I have so meticulouly planned for…the last night of the group at that, not being able to say goodbye to the amazing people who participated. I started to look around at the parking lot I was in…of all the places to pull over, probably not the best. There was a Fred Loya Law Firm, a Little Caesar's Pizza, a Fantastic Sam's barber shop, and a couple of teenagers making out under the awning in front of me. The parking lot began filling with water. Why couldn't this have been a Whole Foods parking lot? I began seeing my last meal as a Little Caesar's pizza along with a shaved haircut and decided I needed to make my move. Knowing my grief group was covered, and hoping my Subaru was up to the task, I drove through the flood waters and made my way back home. I found neighbors hanging out in the parking garage because of the tornado warning sirens, and I found my girl laying on her bed in a huff, not wanting to pay any attention to the mamas who abandoned her during the tumultuous weather and thunder that was all too assaulting on a sensitive greyhound's well-being.

That which I am trying to fight, will make its presence known until I learn from it.

I think what I learned from this is that life happens. That I need to tap into that inner stillness when all things appear chaotic. Because, truthfully, they aren't really. Things are just chaotic because they are perceived to be. Hey, my grief group members had a great group with my co-facilitator. I got home okay without my car being flooded. Rene wasn't hit by lightening. The parking garage of my condo is a  safe space for escaping a tornado.

All in all, it is all good. I think. Let's see how I feel tomorrow behind that really slow car as I drive to work, 10 minutes late already.

The saga of Rene's paw and another little overnight

For the past month or so, Rene has been limping. It started gradually and then got worse, to the point of hopping on three legs. I made two trips to the vet and both times, neither had a definitive reason why. They would push and prod on her paws and pads and she would barely make a noise. Yet she hobbled around like a limb had been amputated. At first, I thought it was psychological. Rene is a smart girl, and has manipulated me a time or two. I thought maybe her limp came on after I had been forcing her to do all these outings with me. I thought maybe it was her way of saying, "Geez, Mom, what part of the description of Greys as couch potatoes do you not get?"

My mom thought my inklings were a tad unreasonable as well. And, while I still may think a part of it could be true, yesterday I pressed around on her paw pad and did get a little yelp and whimper, which means that something really must be uncomfortable.

But she had been doing pretty well! Over the past week, her limp improved and we were able to take a few longer walks than we had been doing. Until, well, I started pushing her hard again this weekend. Friday, we went to our friend Barbara's house to visit with her and her greyhound, Ellie. Now, Rene seemed to really enjoy that. Sunday, she came with me to the folks' house for Father's Day, and she seemed to settle right into either the shady spot in the backyard or in the guest bedroom. And last night, we had plans to stay up in Dillon on the lake at a pet friendly Best Western. I didn't have to work today, and so I thought another getaway would do us good.

Until, of course, yesterday morning her gimpy limp returned and she was once again hopping around.

At this point, though, I had seen improvement after a few days of rest from a lot of activity so we went anyway. I have come to terms with the fact that, with her limp, our little getaways are filled with a lot of scenic drives and time in the hotel room. It isn't quite the kind of vacation I yearn for…I wanted so bad to walk along the shores of Lake Dillon this morning, which would have been torture for her…but I know that if I am going to have a getaway I need to make some concessions.

And while I did concede-no walks on the shore, dinner in the room with Father's Day leftovers instead of sitting on a patio with a beer and burger, and a poor night's sleep due to her restlessness and me not bringing my own pillows-I think I was able to capture some highlight moments. The first is my all time favorite…"my" night sky. I am enamored with it. I was able to leave Rene in the room for a few minutes and walk aways from the hotel and all the lighting. I just stood there-blanketed by this navy blue velvet and small dots of shimmering light, a half-moon letting me know the sun will rise in the morning. I took a few deep breaths of the mountain air, and this realization came to me…no matter the anxiety I sometimes feel about the day to day, what is constant and for sure is my own inner peace, which, much like the night sky, is always there. I just need to tap into it, like I did last night.

Today, Rene and I drove around mountain towns I may not visit otherwise. Breckenridge, Keystone, Frisco, and Georgetown…unless there would be a reason to go, I probably wouldn't have visited these towns this summer.

And, of course, I got through 3 episodes of Orange is the New Black and I can't wait to get to the next one!

All in all, it is always good to get away, and it is always good to get home. I think Rene shares this sentiment as well! (maybe a little more emphasis on the "get home" part)

This was the view right outside our hotel window. I admit, I used to be a snob about Best Westerns. Now, I see them as a traveler's delight! Always a comfortable place to make home for a few days, with great locations and a darn good complimentary breakfast!

Rene's "new thing" is to lay in grass in the shade. It is a dog-like thing to do. Sometimes greyhounds have to learn to be dogs, and she is getting an A+ in that class!

Lake Dillon, the marina, and a random selfie

Hey! Where'd my ears go? And peek-a-boo Rene, during a bathroom break near Keystone

Along the road to Breckenridge

In Frisco there is a historical museum and park. I couldn't help but take a picture of the Ches's Place pavilion…I loved that nickname for my Chester…and this lovely painted mosaic of my favorite bird!

Finally, a stop in historic Georgetown, one of those places I don't visit often but am reminded I need to!

Thanks, Dad! (And Mom, too)

Father's Day…a special day to celebrate all things Dad. Today, Rene and I are joining the family for some relaxation in the back yard, a little BBQ dinner and maybe a game of "dart ball". I wanted, however, to take a moment to thank Dad (and also Mom) for instilling in me since I was young the love of nature and being outdoors.

One of the things that brought my parents, separately, out to Colorado decades ago was to enjoy the mountains and all the benefits the West has to offer, different from the mid-west life of Illinois and the eastern world of upstate New York. My parents tell of stories when they first met, the picnics they would take in the mountains and and the scenic drives they would do, with coffee and donuts in hand, ready to enjoy the outdoors. Back then, it wasn't as crowded along the I-70 corridor so they really did feel like adventurous explorers.

They didn't stop their love of mountain adventures after Robert and I came along. We would spend weekends in the mountains, on picnics with just ourselves, or with family members who were here visiting, or with good friends. We went to Grand Lake a lot and stayed at Daven Haven Lodge, where we would swim our cares away, spend time down at the lake, and hiking around. When Mom would have to take me to the babysitter, we would drive together and I would point West and say, "Let's go to the mounts." I was hoping Mom would turn the car in that direction and she and I could have a day together in nature.

Thanks to parents who had a sense of adventure themselves, I developed my own, too. And then meeting Mike, we both had a sense of adventure where we would hike, camp, or visit mountain towns on the weekends. We lived in Glenwood Springs, I lived on the Western Slope, and I continue to take my own little road trips into nature all these years later.

Yesterday, I found myself trying to figure out what to do in the morning. I wanted to do something outside, but not go as far as the mountains. My favorite thing is my Denver Botanic Gardens membership. It is and easy way to get into nature without driving far out of the city. At the DBG, I can experience all different terrain-Victorian and Japanese gardens, a mountain escape, the desert, and the prairie land. So, I decided to spend the morning at DBG and take some pictures. It was a really great way to get away, connect with nature and with myself, too. Thanks, Dad (and Mom!) for instilling in me the love of the outdoors and the importance communing in nature is to my soul.

The rose garden is always so very beautiful…these white and yellow beauties let themselves be known.

The current exhibit is Deborah Butterfield's Horses. In a video of her talking about her work, she said at the time everyone was doing avant-garde art. "Sculpting horses was considered to be such dopey artistic pursuit, it was almost so dopey it was avant-garde." There is nothing dopey about these sculpted beauties…

I am only including one photo because you need to see for yourself!

I loved these plumes standing tall near the prairie garden in all their colorful glory!

DBG has done a great job in their renovations and updates of amenities, including The Hive Bistro in the middle of the garden. It reminds me of those little French cafes smack dab in the middle of a park in Paris, with open windows and patios where one could sip Burgundy and experience the sights and sounds of the park.

Another favorite place at DBG of mine is the Orangery. It is another French inspired element of the 

gardens, and they change it up often. In February they showcased the orchids here. 

This summer it is filled with ferns, hyacinth, coleus, and other eye catching foliage.

Appreciation of the waterlilies is always a must during a visit!

Finally, take time to feel re-energized and inspired by the sounds of this small waterfall 

located near the Japanese garden...

Travel Buddy

In considering getting another dog, I was hoping for one who enjoys the car for road trips and able to stay in a hotel or cabin. When I adopted Rene, I wasn't sure if she met this criteria. Being as shy and timid as she is, I was afraid that a new environment may freak her out. Well, once again, my girl proved  to be able to conquer her fears and anxieties, and I think will be the perfect travel companion I was hoping for!

Rene has always enjoyed being in the car, and we can drive for hours with her snoozing soundly in the backseat. I bought a sling that holds her comfortably in the back seat so she doesn't get propelled forward if I stop or turn. I decided to test her out on Friday night with a trip to Estes Park. Instead of spending a lot of money on a cabin, we stayed in a pet friendly hotel room at Hotel Estes. It suited us perfectly and after we checked in, she sniffed around the room and paced a bit, but then settled down onto the little bed I made for her on the floor. We then drove around town and did some people watching, and then went up to my favorite YMCA of the Rockies property and walked around. The view is always so nice at the camp, and hopefully Rene and I can stay there this summer in a cabin.

We drove in the early evening to Rocky Mountain National Park, where I captured this photo on the way to Bear Lake:

I had researched what to eat for dinner-something I could pick up for take-out and eat in the room. There is a fast casual Tex-Mex place called Peppers, so I ordered dinner and swiftly picked it up while she patiently waited in the car and ate in the room. We finished the night with Rene snoozing on the floor and I watched the first two new episodes of Orange Is The New Black (Spoiler Alert: Do not watch episode 2 about how the prison gets infected with bed bugs when you are staying at a hotel!).

We awoke the next morning early and went back to RMNP early to beat the crowd. We drove up Trail Ridge Road, and I reflected on how Rene and I conquer our fears. Hers, new experiences, mine…the fear of heights! Trail Ridge Road is not for the faint of heart, as there are some jaw dropping heights on the road with no side rails, and when we got to the top I did a little dance and gave myself a pat on the back. We drove back down and enjoyed more of the beautiful park before heading back to the hotel to check out and come home.

There are a few downsides, sure, to traveling with a dog. Most dog friendly hotels don't allow dogs to be left alone, so going out to dinner at a restaurant or doing certain activities, like going to a hot springs pool, are made more difficult. Rene is still very shy, so walking around a busy downtown district is hard because she is wary when people approach her. Other than a few downsides, the upside is that Rene seems like she is always up for a new adventure; consequently, she is always up for when it is time to come home as well. She is a lot like me in that way; I love myself a getaway, but I also love my home-sweet-home. I am so glad I have found my new travel buddy!

Thoughts on mood and seasons

I have been, lately, trying to wrap my head around how my mood is affected by the seasons and the weather. I have been pondering the times I am at my happiest, and the times I am at my most melancholy (I know it is an old-school word, like “hysteria” but I love it so). Typically, when things go as planned, in the winter I am more melancholy and in the summer more euphoric. This isn’t anything revolutionary; rather, typical of anyone who lives in Colorado, whose mood is affected by weather, and who doesn’t ski or care much for ski traffic on I-70 during the winter months.

May and June of 2015, however, has me all tied in knots when it comes to understanding this.

Usually, when I begin to see crocus’ popping up through snow covered garden beds, my mood starts shifting from melancholy to the curiosity of what spring may bring. And then spring begins exploding…tulips and daffodils, songbirds, a walk on a trail without boots. And then comes the trip to the Botanic Gardens where I sit in awe.“Where did all these flowers come from? Just yesterday seemed like winter.” My mood begins to shift; possibilities lie ahead. I see farmer’s markets in my future, more trips to the Gardens, sitting by a hot springs or swimming pool. Plans are made; baseball games, barbeques, outdoor festivals, or just lazy afternoon walks are in the forecast.

But this year, the rain has seeped into every pore of my skin. My skin, dotted with mosquito bites from the hatchlings that come with wet weather and occasional hot and humid days.

As someone who has studied topics in mental health, I am trying to grasp the notion of positive psychology, where I can attempt to see the beauty despite the circumstances. Nature feeds my extroverted soul, as I can have conversations that run deep and wide out in nature and I feel connected to it all. Art feeds my introverted self, where creating a small collage, coloring in a mandala, or making someone a card is all I need to resurrect from feeling saturated, messy, sloshy from all the rain. There has to be a way to connect these parts of me to the weather so that, when sunshine is lacking and precipitation is all the rage, I can feel excited, connected, uplifted…not melancholy. This morning I was uplifted, despite the rain and while getting an oil change for my car, during a walk along Old South Pearl Street, where I delighted in colorful and creative window dressings and smells from coffee shops as the droplets fell around me. I enjoyed a latte at Stella’s, my favorite coffee shop, and a look at the new art hanging on the walls; I read all the upcoming event posters attached to doors, walls and hanging from bulletin boards. I made a list of “summer things to do” inspired by Pearl Street-eat at that Taqueria; go to a First Friday art walk; make an art piece that is colorful and inspiring; drink good coffee and drink that at a cozy coffee shop.

I think I am coming to terms with the fact that my mood, despite the weather, is dependent on the little joys in life and that I actually take time to stop and appreciate them. When I do stop and appreciate these joys, I am uplifted and melancholy stays away. Perhaps I have finally discovered the secret for which I have been looking all this time.

A week of storms, good friends and the joys of being a homebody

Last week, thunderstorms, hail and lighting shows reined over the Denver metro area. Things have just been kind of sopping around here, and the mosquitos have really come out to play. This kind of weather has made me more of a homebody than I normally am.

Along with the storms last week, I experienced my friends! It was a special week, where 3 good friends individually came a different night of the week for a visit. All 3 were special and unique in their different ways. I hadn't seen my friend Nancy for a while, so it was a lot of catching up and just enjoying each other's company. Meg and I always have deep, thoughtful conversations about life so of course that took us into the late hours of the evening. And Jessica and I had conversations we have never had before, in the over 15 years of friendship we have shared. All three visits were hopeful to end up on my balcony, but the lightning scared us away. And all three friends got to meet my girl for the first time, each commenting on how beautiful she is.

I had this thought the other day, Saturday, as I was trying to ponder my day off and convince myself to go to a local festival or do something social, when I really just felt like laying low at home. As a single person, I can choose to spend my time in whatever way I want. When I was in a couple, choices were narrower because each person had an idea of what they wanted to do, and of course spending time together was always the first choice. House projects were always in need of being completed, maybe a date night at a restaurant we both enjoyed, shopping for the necessities, watching a movie or TV show. But as a single person, I can take a walk, go shopping, go to a festival, watch TV, clean, listen to the radio, bake, cook, take a drive…the choices are endless. And sometimes, I choose to do nothing, which is what I did yesterday afternoon into the evening. Rene and I spent the morning running errands and walking at Bible Park. I went and did a little shopping, and came home at 1pm and pretty much stayed in all afternoon and evening. Sure, there were festivals to attend, a wine walk in the Lowry Town Center, or just spending time out doors as the weather was nice, but I chose to stay in. And it felt so very nice to be in my jammies in the afternoon, cleaning out my closet and working on an art project and watching movies. So, here is to making the most out of all the choices we do have!

Lights Out Lowry

I took Rene on a walk in the neighborhood tonight after a friend left from having dinner and dessert at my condo. There was a little wind, chilly enough to feel refreshing, but not so chilly that I didn't seek out the air conditioner when I retreated back to the condo, which does capture the Eastern warm sun all morning and in turn warms up the condo pretty nicely. The night sky was pretty clear, the stars appeared pronounced and the moon became quickly bright after a cloud passed over it. But, there was one pesky thing that got in the way of my enjoying the night sky here on the Eastern Slope and that was all the lighting.

I love living in Lowry because there is great lighting, so much better than in the old school neighborhoods of Wash Park or Bonnie Brae. I feel very safe walking to and fro my building and that, as a single gal, is a good thing. But, I do often yearn for "my night sky." I have given the night sky such personal possessiveness because I have had profound realizations under the night sky, so naturally it has become mine. My first memory of connecting with the sky was my first time staying at Robin's Nest, a cabin in Estes Park's YMCA of the Rockies compound. It was a trip taken the summer after Mike's death, and the cabin was situated where I could see Rocky Mountain National Park and also toward the north east. I remember sitting on the porch, Ches and Stan milling about, with few lights around the area of the various cabins. The night sky was so pronounced, so vibrant, and I recall feeling connected to everyone on any side of the sky. The phrase, "We are all one under the sky" came to me then, leading me to create one of my favorite collages many years later.

Fast forward to my little "country house" where there was virtually no outside lighting at night, and the sky blossomed then. On warm nights I would brave the mosquitos, turn off the porch lights, and sit on the steps admiring the view. Galaxies floated overhead as did every astronomical delight. I learned about venus and other planets, and actually caught a shooting star once. During those gaze filled moments, my heart slowed down, thoughts of "what if" for the future calmed themselves, and I really felt connected to what being "one with the moment" felt like.

Lowry has some similar attributes to the cabin and the country house; thanks to conscious developers, Lowry isn't full of sky rises that block the view but rather low lying buildings that still allow the view. And I saw the view tonight, only it was a tad dull from all the streetlights that do indeed give me a sense of safety. So, I propose to Lowry Community Association one night this summer called "Lights Out Lowry" where, whoever can, turn their lights off after 9pm for an hour or two so the residents of the area can really enjoy the night sky. Though we live on the Eastern Slope, our night sky is accessible to us all the same; and if we turned a few lights out we might look upon the sky and feel as connected to our counterparts over the mountain as I have felt from the other side.

Lights out, Lowry. Good night, and sleep soundly knowing the blanket that covers us all is pillow-like and star filled.