All's quiet on the 1063 front

I realized today that I haven't been blogging as regularly as I used to. I used to blog about things Mike and I were doing to update friends and family on our goings on, but since he has been gone it has been a lot harder to make such documentation. Part of this reason is because much of what I experience emotionally from the loss isn't something I want the world to know. Another part is that my life is pretty mundane-get up, go to work, come home, maybe go out, have dinner here and there. I don't have significant events to report. So, I guess I will write about what I view as my next steps in this thing called life.

I decided a month ago that I need a break. I need a break from the Monday thru Friday job, the exhaustion at the end of the week, the running lists of all I need to get done in my two day weekend. I also had a realization that I don't have to have the job I have now; that I can pursue other things; that maybe I have just settled into this lifestyle and have lost the sense of the world around me. Some might say I am coming into my own. I would say that I am exhibiting that relentless personality defect of mine called INDIVIDUALISM. I always detested the status quo, but found myself in it because I was able to live a life I enjoyed with a man I loved. Now, though, it is just me and two dogs (once I start writing about ten cats please call the asylum). Now, it is just me, and I can move this bus (preferable a VW) in whatever direction I would like to take it. So, I have decided to quit my job, take the summer off, garden, travel, and reassess my role in this place called The World and how I vision something called My Life in relation to This World.

One non-negotiable in deciding not to work is my need for health insurance. No...I am not chronically sick or anything...but nothing will bring a person closer to bankruptcy than uninsured health problems. I come from the ideological camp that anything can happen at anytime so it is important to be ready and prepared. So, I applied for individual health care coverage through Kaiser, who I have now through my employer. Guess what...I was denied coverage. Why?? An bunion. I had a consultation with an orthopedic surgeon about a bunion which, by the way, doesn't even hurt and he suggested NO surgery. That appointment is the reason Kaiser won't cover me as an individual, even though I have been a patient of Kaiser since 2004. And, it was a Kaiser doctor who didn't recommend surgery. So, I was ready to give up, but a friend of a friend told me about Cover Colorado, an insurance plan through the State of Colorado that covers people denied private insurance. I feel like I am back in the game and can take this much needed time off, knowing this plan is hopefully going to work out (I still need to apply).

This situation has made me really think of the people that live in this country and how so many...SO MANY...don't have insurance because of pre-existing conditions, or the lack of affordability of healthcare. I volunteer every Sunday with women who are trying...TRYING...to get their lives on track but can't because our system doesn't let them. It is a downward spiral. One woman I see each week is a victim of the healthcare system. Her husband was injured on a construction job. Their insurance didn't cover everything he needed done; he is on disability; they lost their house; etc. Now, both of them live separate. Him at one shelter and her at another. She sat crying on Sunday about how she just wants her life back. And our system won't let her. As a society, we seem to think that people who can't make it themselves financially have some sort of defect, when in reality the defect is our system.

I am extremely lucky. Mike left me financially stable to make the types of decisions I am making. I am healthy. I am educated. I can go back to school for a new career and pay the tuition that will be expected of me. I am lucky, but many others are not. I believe it is the responsibilitiy of government to make sure they are overseeing a productive, healthy, and satisfied population.I am hoping this new health plan our government has set forth will do that and provide a safe place for people in their most vulnerable moments. There is nothing sexy about going to the doctor. It is a need all people have, and is the responsibilty of our government to support, one way or another. Take it from someone who can see through first hand experience.

So much for not having much to say...