Retreat

Yesterday I used a mission leave day to have a retreat. Regis is associated with a Jesuit retreat house in Sedalia. I just went for the day and I was on my own, except I had lunch which was served at noon. I got up there in the morning and shopped their wonderful bookstore and bought a couple of books. I sat in chairs that are all around the property, read, thought, and wrote in my journal. I took a little hike and sat in a gazebo. Lunch was BLT sandwiches, a salad and chips. I left early afternoon and made a quick visit to Mike's spot in Fairmount. I came home and relaxed a bit; I then went to the last Guys Night Out baseball game of the season.

One of the books I bought at the retreat center is about grief. It is written by a woman who in the 1970's lost her husband and young daughter in a drunk driving car accident as she survived and was 3 months pregnant (the baby survived, too). I mean...talk about grief. It has been a wonderful book thus far. One thing she talks about is the willingness to love people after a death. When someone dies, we tend to hang on to that person and give all our love to that person's memories, all the while shutting others out. I thought that was a very interesting point...of course, as she recognizes everyone has their own grief cycle so this type of realization may not come for a long time. She also talks about preparatory grief, the kind that one might experience while caring for a sick loved one. I think I went through some of that with Mike, which is why I haven't fallen into a huge pit of depression and feel pretty good most days. She recognizes that often when caring for the terminally ill that the caregiver may hope that person gets taken from the pain and suffering into peace. I know toward the end I did have those feelings, and the last days wanted nothing more then to have Mike at peace. All in all, the day yesterday was one of reflection and relaxation, which I have been anticipating.