It is done!

Yesterday, I closed on the condo! It has been a week of a few nightmares. The first hovered around wiring the money from my savings account. That dream was very odd, something about a guy who broke into my car, stole my purse and my credit/debit cards. The second dream was around the closing itself. During the walk through, I found the past owner not having moved out yet, she was a gal I knew from graduate school, she had the dishwasher removed, and she was crying as I was yelling at her about the dishwasher.

Thankfully, all went well, the money got to the title company, the woman who previously owned the place had everything out and left it all in decent shape, and she was not someone I knew. Yesterday I took Mom and Dad there to see it; this morning, I showed my friend Kristin. Tomorrow my brother will help me take a bunch of stuff from Mom and Dad's over there, and I have employed him to check the smoke alarms and help me move a curtain because the ceilings are so high. Friday I get the small bedroom carpet cleaned, Mom and I are cleaning the place, and I am getting my new dining room table delivered. Saturday is moving day, and then slowly next week getting everything into place.

I am just so thrilled! I love the place, I love the Lowry area, I love my underground parking space (no snow to brush off!) and I can't wait to make it all my own. I decided, though, rather than an open house party I will have various friends over for the months of January and February. Parties are fun, but I get so overwhelmed I can never talk to people for a long time. So, look for your invitation to dinner or appetizers sometime soon!

My "10 Before 40" Bucket List

I have been giving thought to how I think 2015 will be my year. I feel it right down into the marrow of my bones. There are a few things that haven't been settled, like the whole "get a job" thing and moving into the condo. Otherwise, I really do feel 2015 will be that year I look upon at its end thinking, "This was a really great year!"

2014 wasn't so bad, actually. Living in Montrose and working in rural hospice social work was life changing. In Montrose, I learned how to be alone without being lonely. I saw baby calves and sheep being born. I experienced the most wonderful night skies and sunrises to write home about. I wrote letters, I created artistic work, I explored places I have never been, I put 40,000 miles on my new car, I cooked up a storm, and I learned the significance that family and friends have in my life. I also was honored to be a small part of people's end of life journeys which is something I will always treasure.

I realized the other day, though, that 2015 actually hovers on another significant time...that it is my last year of being in my 30's. I will be 39 on February 11th and then I enter a whole new age bracket. I know some people don't really look at age to be significant but in a way I do. As time marches on and I am still blessed to be on this earth, age is something I do think about. I am already planning my 40th-plans range from a Viking river cruise in Europe, to a weekend spa at Camelback Resort in Arizona, to a weekend at the Glenwood Springs pool under a rented cabana (any of which will be determined by whether those nearest and dearest can join me). However, as Meg and I discussed tonight, I tend to fare better when I live in routine and structure. I tried for a long time to just be one of those "go with the flow" people but I do have a pretty strong comfort zone I like quite a bit. So, in the spirit of structure and routine, I believe goal-setting is key. Thus I have come up with my "10 Before 40" bucket list. All items are tangible and appear to be something I can work toward. Note: Skydiving is not on the list. I am waiting until my 90th birthday much like President Bush Sr. I will keep you updated on my status of checking off items from this list!

1. Train for and Hike one 14er…even if it is one of the easiest
2. Go backpacking/camping at least once
3. See one really great band in concert (by "really great" I mean Coldplay, or The Eagles, or U2, or Taylor Swift, or anyone like that)
4. Go to the ocean again, get my feet in sand
5. Write and illustrate the first book of my children’s book series “Hugs and the Friends” about a little white bear who takes on the world with his friends (yes, this is something I have wanted to do for a while now)
6. Find a job that I can’t wait to get up for in the morning
7. Find that perfect dog just waiting for me to take him or her home
8. Get a 3 speed bike and ride along the Crystal River, from Carbondale to Redstone
9. Go on a guided weekend retreat
10. Learn how to perfectly roast a whole chicken

Merry Christmas!

We had a lovely couple of days. Christmas Eve we had snacks mid-afternoon, went to church at 6pm and then ate dinner here at home. Today was us being all snuggled in...we ate a delicious breakfast of steak, eggs and coffee cake, opened presents, watched A Christmas Story a few times, and ate a dinner of ham, scalloped potatoes, salad and a fruit tort for dessert. Santa brought the family a bingo set, so we played a few rounds (for just a little bit of money). Merry Christmas from us to you!

Looking Back

This Monday night, Colorado Public Television is broadcasting a documentary called Neal Cassady: The Denver Years. I can’t wait to learn more about this enigmatic person. I watched The Magic Trip: Ken Kesey’s Search for a Kool Place and saw Neal Cassady in action. Other than that, what I know about him comes from Kerouac’s take on Neal via the character Dean Moriarty in On the Road. I am intrigued by Neal’s life on the Denver Streets during the Great Depression and how his life was shaped as he grew up.

I got to thinking about the Denver Years in my life. I am not an enigmatic figure, nor famous, nor anything like that, but it has been fun to think about the places that shaped me growing up in Denver.  Here are my top 5:

   Café Euphrates: This was my all time favorite hangout, as coffee shops often were. This one was located on the part of 17^th street where, at that time, one wouldn’t be walking around alone at night, but now is home to the hip Uptown neighborhood. Café Euphrates had one consistent thing that brought us back time and again which was live music. Bands I knew played there, and good friends put on shows there.  Always endless amounts of caffeine and cigarette smoke in the air; these cheap, uncomfortable pleather couches and a ton of spider and palm plants all around; always good friends and a lot of laughter.

    Flossy McGrews on Broadway: Oh Flossy’s! Countless hours were spent wandering the thrift shop. I loved wearing vintage clothes, anything hippie hand me downs during my high school years. Anything reminiscent of what maybe Janis Joplin would wear, long skirts, puffed up blouses, long earrings. Flossy’s had it all and we had so much fun making a day of it there.

    Cherry Creek Mall: Still standing and ever so popular, Cherry Creek Mall was where my friends visited me when I worked at KB Toy store in high school. I remember my boss at the time, whose picture is under the word Curmudgeon in the dictionary, would hide out across the mall and watch as my friends would come in the store. He would then come over and say “Gotcha” thinking they were shoplifting or something, when all they were doing was coming by and saying hi. Needless to say he isolated a large population of teenagers who would have bought items in that store. Cherry Creek Mall was where we went on a snow day from school, or to see movies, or to hang out at restaurants like The Spinnaker, and Around the Corner, locations that didn’t mind teenagers camping out for hours.

   St. Mark’s Coffeehouse: St. Mark’s used to be on 14^th and Market in a grungy building. It had grungy floors and an even grungier staff. Let’s just say “the Grunge” was where it was at in the 1990’s-flannel shirts, Doc Martins, and endless cups of coffee at grungy coffeehouses. I spent a good part of my college days doing homework in that coffee shop. Now it is located on 17^th avenue in the hip Uptown neighborhood where one can choose from a selection of herbal teas, wine, microbrews, pastries, and sit for hours on their laptop computers. Kind of the same, but not quite, as anything reminiscent of the 90’s these days now lack the overhanging of cigarette smoke.

   Charlie Brown’s/The Colburn Hotel: Charlie Brown’s was my college days’ bar. Anytime anyone wanted to meet up anywhere, Charlie Brown’s was the place to go. We listened to the piano music played by the same guy every night and I wish I could remember his name! Charlie Brown’s was Mike and my first kiss on New Year’s Eve 1998 at midnight.

I am sure I can think of a lot more hangouts, some like Washington Park remain the same in my life, and others like that old “head” shop in Englewood where my tastes have outgrown much of the hippie attire. I think we all need memories like these to connect us to the fabric of what shaped us over our lives. Recently I sorted through things from high school that Mom has been keeping for me and found two of my old records that I just loved: the Grateful Dead's Wake of the Flood and Simon and Garfunkel Best of. Listening to those records brought me great joy as I reflected on what has shaped me as a person. I look forward to watching many of the places that shaped Neal Cassady's life when I watch the documentary, tragic in its ending but certainly of note while he was living.

Back to square one...for real this time

I feel like the past few years my name and the word CHANGE go hand-in-hand. I got my MSW degree, I moved for a year for one job, moved back and took another. Now change looms again as I resigned from my new job where I worked one month. Something it has taken me a while to realize is that I do not need to work a standard 8-5 Monday through Friday job. Not that there is anything wrong with that kind of schedule, but I am in the position to be able to be creative with my work/life balance. The job itself was pretty good, but I have finally realized I crave flexibility, creativity, and doing work where there is a positive energy of success. I am not quite sure what all that looks like, put together, so for now I am going to focus on the holidays, get moved into my new condo, get settled there, and then begin the search again.

This time, though, it feels different. Maybe I needed to come to terms with the fact that sometimes I make decisions out of fear and not joy, which negative effects begin to show early on. Like, when I spend more time talking to friends and family about what I don't like about a job rather than what I do like; I wake up in the wee hours of the morning dreading the stress the day will bring; or where a lunch break consists of walking to the break room, microwaving some soup, and then eating at my desk. The fear story I have in my head is, "Melanie, everyone does this, you have to as well." And I really don't. So, that is that.

My plan is to read some career books-Robert sent me a great PDF called The Rat Race Rebellion about a values based job hunt. I also am considering doing some part time work and then maybe trying to volunteer a little more, such as in hospice doing bereavement service support. I just need to really think things through, and instead of telling myself things are one way, I need to sit in the silence and see how it feels before making a decision.

So, I am back to being at home, which admittedly is very nice. I finished my Christmas shopping today and am going to make dinner for the folks tonight. Tomorrow Mom and I will go the YMCA to work out and then head to Hobby Lobby to buy more Christmas wrapping. The next two weeks will fly by and then I close on my condo, which will be a wonderful beginning chapter of the next phase of life. I just need to get through the prologue, introduction and other chapters before reading the final one! "Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I'll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about." (Rumi)

You had me at the kitchen

I haven't written about my house hunting because, well, it seemed a tad exhausting. I didn't really know what I wanted, my real estate agent wasn't really all that helpful, and I ended up getting excited about properties that needed new shingles, new gutters, and entirely new garages. After a home inspection where my real estate guy told me countless times he "had a guy for that" for the countless things that needed to be fixed in the home, I decided it was time to take another tactic.

I always feel that shifting the energy when things aren't feeling right is the way to go. I don't always practice that, I often fall into complacency or "I guess that is the way it is" kind of mentality...but just a small energetic shift can really altar your reality. So, I decided to change search criteria from "detached home" and "town home" to include condos.

Now, I don't consider myself a particularly prejudice person against buildings with space for many people inside, but I always picture condos as those re-done apartment buildings in Capital Hill. Those buildings that went from "apartment" to "condo" overnight and the cost went from $700/month to $200,000 purchase price.

However, after many online searches and some in person showings of houses and townhomes that never made it near making the cut, I decided to expand the search, expand the energy, to condos.

And I found her. Here she is: 8165 E Lowry Blvd #107

She is a real beauty. She was built in 2007 so everything is relatively updated. Today we got an almost perfect inspection. On December 30th, keys are given in exchange for the wired funds or cashier check. And then she is all mine.

I love the Lowry neighborhood. Mike and I wanted to live there but we couldn't afford what we wanted. The shops are really fun, there are a number of good quality restaurants, a lot of walking trails, a dog park nearby (Dogs are welcome in my building, of course, I had to make sure of that!), and it is close to work, my family, visits to Fairmount Cemetery (yes, only I get excited about being near the Cemetery) and friends.

Did I mention that this condo had me at the kitchen?

I have been searching for a while to finally, once again, feel like I am home. Actually I can pinpoint the time: December of 2008, when Mike met me at the Cherry Creek Mall Mac store to buy our first Mac computer as our collective present, and he looked green and gray and was on the verge of all health hell breaking loose, and I didn't say anything because it was Christmas and all...I finally, now, once again, after over 5 years of trying to feel it, feel like I have really found my home.

And it feels so, so good.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Take a minute to enjoy this video by Nemo...

A New Routine

I started my new job on Tuesday. It is for a senior care company, which I love being a part of supporting older adults. It will be a busy job...I am a client care coordinator, so I talk to all inquiring potential clients about our services. I also maintain the thoroughness of each client's chart and keep all the paperwork and packets completed and up to date. All of this is in theory, as my week of training has been shadowing people and some classroom training. I will probably start taking calls and learning all the processes from A to Z later this week. I like my co-workers and really like the owners of the company. It is a company with integrity and high quality of service, which I believe in as a social worker. So far so good!

I have to say, working again an 8-5 schedule will take a little getting used to. It is the kind of job where, unless I have planned otherwise with co-workers, I have to be at the office until the clock hits 5:01. Sometimes I stay later if I am on the phone or finishing a task, or come in earlier if need be. A good rule of thumb I suppose to be considered a "good employee" is come 5 minutes early and stay 5 minutes late. It is a good rule that I intend to stick to. I do get an hour lunch which is a total treat. I have been driving around the area to see what is near the office and how long it takes to get from point A to B. I can probably go home, even, if I just needed a change of scenery. Bible Park isn't far away; Cook Park is close by. I can walk at lunch and grab a Starbucks. Fairmount Cemetery is close by so I can visit Mikey and the boys whenever I feel like it. I have been really trying to work out as often during the week as possible, so I could possibly get in a trip to the YMCA for a quick treadmill visit if I put my mind to it.

Speaking of Fairmount Cemetery and The Boys...they are now snugly one with the earth around Mike's grave so I can visit all my boys in one place. Last Sunday our good friend Pam met me at the cemetery. We did the spreading around Mike's grave and read a short story given to me by a friend when the boys died called "The Rainbow Bridge." It brought a tear to my eye-Pam and I felt good that the boys and Mike have reunited, but also chuckled that he will forever be tied to Stanley, who often frustrated Mike more so than Chester did!

There is a bridge connecting Heaven and Earth. It is called the Rainbow Bridge because of its many colors. Just this side of the Rainbow Bridge there is a land of meadows, hills and valleys with lush green grass. When a beloved pet dies, the pet goes to this place. There is always food and water and warm spring weather. All the animals who have been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind. They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; his eager body begins to quiver. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster. You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart. Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together, never again to be separated.

Crafty

Mom and I went to a really great holiday craft market today-Paris Holiday Market at the Denver Public Library main branch. If you can make it this weekend it runs until 4pm both Saturday and Sunday. Mom and I meander craft shows every holiday, mostly at the rec centers, churches, and the senior center. People have wonderful crafts to sell, but sometimes it seems a lot of the items are the same type of thing. Well, the Paris Holiday Market has a large variety of artisans, and really super creative things. It is like shopping on Etsy in one space. Whole Foods provided coffee, cider, croissants, cheeses, and other little snacks. Light Christmas music filled the air. One lady makes wreaths and other interesting items out of old books; I bought a little soy candle in an antique glass; there were a few women who made bags out of recycled materials. All in all, I was very impressed with the level of craftiness at this show!

A short time gone...things have changed

Funny. I Googled "Short Time Gone" because I was sure that saying was a song,  and what came up was my all time favorite Grateful Dead song "Box of Rain".



So interesting that, no matter the years that pass by, my connection to the Grateful Dead is still there. I will always have a secret desire to be reborn in Haight Ashbury in the 1960's.

Something I find interesting about moving back to Denver is how little, but also how much, has changed in the past year. And how interesting it is to plop myself into the middle of everything during various time periods and to notice what is different and the same.

Take First Friday on Santa Fe Drive. I used to go a lot after Mike died. First Friday events are the one event I could always attend solo and never feel out of place. But three, four, or five years ago they were different...just different. Tonight I went with Dad and we had a great time! But I noticed a few small changes, noticeable enough for me to be caught off guard because I have only been gone a year.

First, there are food trucks. And more food trucks. When I started going to First Fridays, you might hope to see the art and then attempt to eat at El Noa Noa at 8pm if there wasn't a line. Now, you just have to hit up a food truck at any given point in the evening-One will be there. Second, sometimes you could get a head start on First Friday. Start checking out the galleries after getting really good parking around 5 or 5:30. Now, it seems people are parked and ready to peruse way earlier than the 5pm mark. Third...the galleries! It seems they have multiplied, as has the talent. My favorite addition this year is the gallery space with the showing by local Veterans. The one thing I really took to heart after working on the Western Slope is the commitment of those who serve the country. I got to be the social worker for World War 2 and Korean Vets, for goodness sake. Tonight at this gallery, these young men who served in Iraq and Afghanistan were proudly showing their art. I shook hands and thanked them for their service. Truly. No matter how much a pacifist I am and a hater of war, I revere our service folks for what they do for their country and for the likes of people like me. This gallery was an addition I would like to see more of in the future.

A short time gone, things have changed, and I am okay with it all.

A Little Night Away

Over the past 5 years, since Mike has been gone, I have taken a liking to overnights elsewhere. There is something about staying in a hotel, eating out at a really great restaurant, window shopping, and reading in the hotel room that just says, "Soothe the soul." Life has treated me to many opportunities to stay overnight elsewhere, and moving back to Denver is no exception. I am starting my new job on Tuesday, so if I want to indulge a little now is the time. That, and I am sure Mom and Dad wouldn't mind a little time to themselves without their new "roommate" hovering about.

I first considered going to Hotel St. Julien in Boulder, my all time favorite hotel getaway. The price for a room, however, was not in the budget of a new job starter, so I opted again for the Table Mountain Inn in Golden, which does not disappoint. The only thing it needs is a pool or hot tub and it would be, ahem, "Golden". Otherwise, it is a wonderful little Southwest style hotel with a restaurant to match. I stayed here in 2012 around Christmas when I was on break from my MSW program and fell in love with the Southwest decor, friendly staff, and to-die-for menu. There is a fitness center on the 5th floor which allows me to work off whatever dinner or breakfast delicacies there are. And, a number of cute shops within walking distance, where I am headed after writing this blog post.

I started my Golden getaway with a trip to Golden Gate Canyon State Park. I bought a state parks pass when I was in Montrose because I went to Ridgway a lot. Golden Gate is a little different because it is in the canyon and there are many a trail with quick inclines. I drove around and found a few trails where I hiked for a little while, but not too far, though I had my handy walking stick to ward off any mountain lions or coyotes (I read about too many mountain lion-human interactions on the Western Slope, thus the walking stick). It was a beautiful day and really no one around. There was some snow on the higher inclines. I then discovered a few Jeffco open space parks I need to revisit. It was a lot of fun to get to know my own backyard once again, and a relief to realize I don't have to drive 5 hours to find beauty and solitude.

I am getting ready to wander a few shops, and then plan to eat at theTable Mountain Inn restaurant. I have a book club book to finish for Thursday (I can't return to bookclub without having read the book!) and so a relaxing night is indeed in store for me, just as I am finishing a relaxing day.

One of the lakes driving through the park

"Mule Deer Trail"

View from "Panorama Point"

Centennial Cone Park, a Jeffco open space park

Aack! Snow!

View from the inn's balcony

Me, ready for a little hotel R-N-R

All Things Celebratory

I got a job!

I start November 11th as a Client Care Coordinator for a caregiving agency for seniors. It is the best of all worlds for me...some social work, some sales, and some training of staff. I had interviewed with them for an internship for my second year of social work school, but my advisor wanted me to have a more clinical internship so I chose hospice, which indeed was a good choice. Upon moving back, I began thinking of what I wanted to do for work and this job came to mind. I really like the owners and have a good feeling about the staff there, so I called them to see if they had a position open. After 3 interviews, it all came together and I am really excited to work there. The best thing is that the office is  in the Metro area. No more long commutes for me, that is for sure!

We celebrated my move back to Denver on Saturday night at Susan's house. She and Meg threw the party which was done in a lovely way. All said and done there were 20 people there, which was the perfect amount for me to chat with and also for the guests to meet and greet each other. Meg and Susan have been there for me in so many different situations; I love them both very much and count myself one lucky girl to be in their circle.

I feel like I have dove back into life since I moved back. I joined the YMCA-I got a killer deal on a membership while I live at 1260 because my folks belong; that will give me momentum to keep the membership up when I move and have to pay a little more. I have taken some yoga classes and am walking everyday, something that was difficult to do in Montrose along HWY 90; I have been all over the place, it seems, soaking up life. It feels good!

Cheers to being close to having my feet planted firmly under me once again! House hunting will be fun, as the house selling part of things was very stressful. I promised my real estate agent I will be nicer to him this time : )

Cheers to good friends, the love of family, and really being home.

Reverse Culture Shock

Last weekend I met a friend for coffee and breakfast at Whole Foods. I had been back from the Western Slope one week but hadn't been to Whole Foods yet. I got there a little early and wandered around, looking at every little thing. These tiny bouquets of beautiful, fresh flowers...these little bean snacks made of dried pinto beans and spices...the wall of Tom's shoes...a fresh breakfast bar filled with eggs, potatoes and sausages...all the cheeses...the snacks, the produce, the personal care items, the clothing and jewelry...the list is endless. When we sat down after indulging in that breakfast bar and an Earl Grey tea Latte for me and a pastry and coffee for her, I mentioned how overwhelming everything was to me because there was so much choice. She said, "Hmmm...I think you are experiencing reverse culture shock."

I looked up Reverse Culture Shock online and here is what StudyAbroad.com says about the matter:

"In this section you will learn how to learn with reverse culture shock you may experience upon your return to the United States. One of the biggest challenges for students who participate in study abroad programs can be the difficulty in re-adapting to the realities of the United States (otherwise known as re-entry). Many students who studied abroad in the country of their choice went through many changes, re-examining their priorities, their values, and what they think of themselves and the United States"

Okay, so I wasn't returning from living overseas or in another country. But I was returning from living in another culture. Life on the Western Slope is completely different than life in the Denver metro area. Choices of goods and services are few, traffic is almost non-existent, and things close down by 9pm. Your neighbors are not only the people who live in the houses but also their cows, sheep, dogs, horses, goats...it isn't at all like living in an urban environment no matter how "farm to table" or "locally sourced" we try to be in Urbana.

Her statement really resounded because it may have explained how I floated through my first week home, managing all the cars on the road, all the people who seem to be everywhere, and why I also found 3 movies to hunker into that first week or so where the dark of the movie theater and some solitude while watching a movie seemed comforting. Lucky for me, my reverse culture shock was nothing like the culture shock I experienced when Mike and I traveled alone through Prague. I just remember after a day of all the people, all the different foods and goods, and all the signs that didn't make sense whatsoever, a deep feeling of anxiety set in for a little while. That feeling of, "I have no idea where I am, I can't speak the language, and the walls of all these people from all over the world are closing in on me."

Lucky for me, my culture shock was reversed because I was readjusting to what is familiar, what I have known all my life, and to what I just left only a little over a year ago. What is enjoyable about reverse culture shock is that I get to rediscover all my favorite places, and go to all the new places that have cropped up since I moved. The other day, Mom and I went into Trader Joe's. I hadn't been to the ones built in the Denver area yet, and it was pure delight. Likewise, another "lucky for me" is that, while living in my country house in Montrose, I spent a lot of time alone, cultivating present-ness and doing some meditation. This has given me a sense of inner peace, that when in the past I may have been overwhelmed by chaos, I can now sit in the chaos and feel at peace in it.  Reverse culture shock, and my cultivation of inner peacefulness, is allowing me to see all the things that may seem a part of the daily grind in a new light and is allowing me to be present in the moment of experiencing whatever it is I am doing, seeing, touching, or tasting. I know that soon, after I get a job and into a routine, things will become a part of my daily grind once again, but I hope to experience that present-ness even with things I do a million times or with things that seem mundane. I found this quote recently and it perfectly encapsulates how I have been feeling about life these days:

"I still find each day too short for 

all the thoughts I want to think, 

all the walks I want to take, 

all the books I want to read, 

and all the friends I want to see".

John Burroughs